Vera's halo
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2001-12-31 04:46:11 (UTC)

It's now or never..

I've often told myself I would never wait for anyone,
especially a guy. I can always recall my mother telling me
I have to have standards in life(especially with guys). I
never really knew what that meant, until after dating my
first real b/f. After that I "thought" I really did know.
It just now hit me(5 years later) that I truly might not
know what that means. After me and "my first real b/f"
broke up I thought I would never be able to love again,
even if I was only 15. This sounds pretty pathetic I know,
but it took me awhole year just to get over him(not letting
him know that..of course).

Well, after alittle over a year...I finally meet someone. A
guy from the moment I met him I knew I wanted to be with
him, which was something I had never really had happen to
me. We talked for a couple of months, then finally I got
tired of waiting for him to ask me I thought I
would just go for it. Im not big on taking this
was pretty hard for me. Well, after asking him he turned me
down saying he had to think. From that moment on, all I
could feel was complete embaressment.I had never had anyone
really ever tell me "no". I swore to myself to get him
after that, which I did do. I ended up falling in love with
him more then I had ever thought was possiable.I want to
help him in everway possiable, and make sure he does what
he needs to in life to become sucessful. The thing is Im
not so sure he wants to help himself. I keep asking
myself "what am I suppose to do"? I often just want to end
the entire relationship, but then I know he does need
me....or maybe the truith is I need him.

Nevertheless, tonight im making that step. The step to see
how high my standards really are, when I tell him it's "now
or never".