Pink Flowers

Pink Flowers
2001-12-31 02:14:12 (UTC)

Sometimes my dad really ticks..

Sometimes my dad really ticks me after he
goes running..... He gets all hyper and then its like
Sarah what are you doing where are you going and all this
other bullshit that he rarely ever asks me. He totally
jumped on me when I told him I was going to go shoot pool
with Danny and Clark.....what the hell.....I leave all the
time on spur of the moment occasions and he never
cares..... I don't know.....anyway David showed up at my
house yeasterday, I still don't know what to think of
that......or wait...I know what to think of it I just
refuse to until I am told straight to my face that I am
nothing more than a friend.... And then, today he was
actually talking to me on the icq.....I mean what in the
hell....I don't know what he is thinking or what his plan
is.... God damn my dad just told my brother that I had to
be back at 11......what the hell....what if I end up
staying over at Stephanie's or what if I get home at 12
when I usually do......he can't start all of these new
rules when I haven't done anything wrong. He is not the
one equipped to put my life back on track so I don't know
why he even tries. I am not going to be eating right, I'm
talking about the comment me make when I was eating wheat
thins for dinner......since when in the hell did he
care!!!!???? And, I don't intend on taking up a sport
any time soon. And, my grades are fine so what in the
hell?? Anyway back to the whole Davis thing....I hate that
I am not letting myself realize the reality of the
situation! I just need to sleep for ever, just stay in my
room till I gat so hungary that I eat my pillows and my bed
and then find that I have nothing to sleep on.....or
something.....just sleeping would be sufficient!
Another thing that I have to sort out is that whole
situation with Danny.....he read in Stephanie's diary on
here that he gave me the vomit feeling because as I found
out today she has been writing about me in her journal
thing......well great.....I don't know.....she was talking
about how she was annoyed that I was hanging out with Clark
and Danny but not her.....whatever.....I always hang out
with her. I mean it's not like I am mad at her when she
hangs out with other people.....but it is weird that these
two guys happen to both be x-boyfriends of hers.....well
whatever.....when she does her church thing I want
something to hell if I hang out with Clark and
Danny it isn't a big deal....she has to know that I value
the relationship I have with her over anyone elses. I mean
I don't know where I would be without her. But, she was
questioning that in one entery. Oh well.....anyway.....I
need a life!!!! Really.....I should be doing something
besides writing in some pointless diary about pointless
little issues that I tend to dwell on and make problems out
of......I like David and he doesn't like me.....get over
it! Danny likes me and if I don't feel the same way every
day then something won't I need to tell him and
get off it. I won't have to deal with my dad much longer
cause my mom bought that house that Greg was building so I
need to suck it up and deal with it. I know I am fat so I
need to work out and eat right.....for me, bullshit, who
actually gets thin for themself??? If I get thin it will
be to prove to all these guys that I am so hot when I am
thin and since they rejected me when I was fat I am
rejecting them now....But, that really won't be the case
either....ok I am going to lose weight so that I can be
with these guys! There....that is what I think of the
situation. The new year is almost here and I don't want to
find myself dwelling on pointless shit! I need to be
strong and fix it! My like is in peices right now and
hopefully the pieces are big enough to put back together.