2001-12-30 20:02:02 (UTC)

isnt it sad that you still have to ask if i care?

i chilled with richard this morning... it makes me sad
that hes such a good guy and i could never.. whatever i
dont know. this song reminds me of him, like if i were to
write a song to him, it could be this:

it's funny how even now, you still suport me after all the
things that i've done.
you're so good to me, waiting patiently,
and isnt it sad that you still have to ask if i care?
i never said i was perfect, but i can take you away...
i got down on myself, working too hard,
driving myself to death trying to beat out the faults in my
what a mess i've made, sure we all make mistakes,
but they see me so large that you think i'm immune to the
i never said i was perfect but i can drive you away...

=( i played it for him. hes such a great guy it sucks
that i suck so much... you know, i really dont think
anything will ever work out with anyone. nothing is ever
mutual i always care so much more or so much less and i
dont get it.

i feel REALLY bad today. she came over surprise last night
which was cool cus i didnt think i was guna see her and i
was maybe going to universal with robin and chaz and mattie
and brandon, so i asked her if she wanted to go and she
was like sure, then she was like no i dont really want to,
and she said that allyson asked her to go to miami today
but she didnt really want to cus its such a long drive and
stuf and i was like yeah its a long drive. and then today
she was like do you want to go to the mall with us and i
was like yeah i guess because i never know if she really
wants me to go or if shes just whatever and i never know
ANYTHING i HATE not knowing how she thinks and shit but
anyway then she called me back and she was all sad cus
allyson still wanted her to go to miami and they got in a
fight and i was like why dont you go and shes like you'll
be mad but her best friends mad and UGH fucking, she said
she didnt want to go and whatever its so fucking annoying
because i feel really bad because she doesnt want to just
hang around all day with me doing nothing exciting, its not
her "Style" or whatever which sucks for me because
apparently i thought it was for a long time like this
summer all she ever did was sit around the apartment but i
guess thats cus she had no money and now she does but i
dont know i feel really bad because shes guna start
resenting me, and also it sucks because shes guna resent
me for things that arent so important she should have just
gone today i wouldnt have been mad i would have been a
little disappointed because she doesnt have too many days
off of work for me to see her but i wouldnt have been MAD
or REALLY upset like on christmas and the past 4 nights,
so wheres the sense in that? i think she tries but if she
has to TRY , you know? i dont know... well anyway... i'm
guna go cus i think shes on the way and we're going to
infinite mushroom so i can see ashley so thats cool=) shes
on her way i gotta go bye