psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
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2001-12-30 08:32:02 (UTC)

I got a scarf today. its mad..

I got a scarf today. its mad cute. its fuzzy. i went
shopping for a scarf and it was the first one i found and
it was black and soft and claudia was carrying it around
and then the really sweet guy that always talks to me in
the store was like hey let me show you a trick and he all
wrapped it around my head and then claudia bought it for
me. and a purple steering wheel cover. he is so nice to me
and i feel bad because i used to always be mean to him
because i thought he was the asshole guy. they were all
talking about my "girlfriend" and he was like "oh..." cute. i
had a good day. not such a great night but not as bad as
the past few. thats bad huh? that i didnt see her tonight
and it was a better night. that makes me really sad. like
i had a good day with her though. we washed our cars and
got lunch and yeah i guess that was it i dont know fucking
i like her so much but i dont really know why anymore
because we have nothing in common we share no similar
interests our lifestyles and personalities are conflicting
hardcore at least as far as im concerned because i guess
shes not much of a concerned worrying person as i am i dont
know she is so confusing...like i already talked to her
like an hour ago when i was leaving the club and she was
kinda weird but not weird enough to worry about probably
then and i was like okay i'll call you tomorrow then she
just called me but i dont even know why because some girl
came up and she was like "let me call you back hun" yeah
okay. not like i was jealous like that it was just like...
whatever you know. i do not know. i like her so so much
but this isnt making me happy and i dont know why. i mean
it was. and i know how i am and i know if it doesnt get
better im just guna stop and i dont want that but i dont
think she really cares either way... its like relationships
are such bullshit fucking game of tag, tag you're it, now
catch me... and its like she was it and that was cool cus i
felt secure but somewhere along the line around the first
week of december she tagged me and i cant catch her. i do
not know. when does it get to the point where i dont have
to feel like thats what im doing anymore? or does it?
whatever its bullshit. there were lots of people i knew
there tonight. amber was all like "i love you baby" !!!
what! wheres the fucking common ground man? what, all
this time i've been doing this undefined thing, sleeping
with one person monogomously anyway, and im afraid to say
that because i think shes guna freak the fuck out, people are so
weird i will never understand people for real. claudia was
guna kick it to myra, shes kinda cute i guess.. brittany
was there ashleys exgirlfriend. shes kinda weird looking,
spacey. gina's pretty hot.. i didnt really think so before
but now i do. and kelly (?) is scary she was all dancing
on me and shit i was like no keep your wide ass to yourself
thanks. claudia was dancing with me a lot making me dance,
you know, that is not my scene at all... i just..fucking..
i could have chilled with ashley tonight too, i should have
just done that. i just kinda felt like going out out, we
looked mad cute... i dont think so much but we did. but i
would have been happier getting coffee with ashley. or
somewhere with caroline minus the recent bullshit. ugghh.
i bought matt something today.. i talked to him for a
little bit. he was at disney with jeff.. he said he was
guna call me sometime this week to chill.. chill=head. not
happening. not fucking happening. im not fucking this one
over. i just hope she doesnt do it first. well shes here
again so i gotta go.


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