sweetaddiction

~*~*~*~
2001-12-30 06:57:25 (UTC)

jappinnnggg

so i just got home again.
jatin called me and we went out for coffee.
and it was good.
it really was.
it was good just to be alone with someone that has known me
as so many different mes and who can still see who i really
am.
it was good.
we just talked. we talked a lot. and we talked about shit
we used to do and how things are now.
and i really got to see that he hasnt changed much at all.
the same way that he sees me for me
i see him for him
and it made me really happy.
really happy to talk to someone that i havent really TALKED
to in soo long and who isnt involved in bullshit that goes
down in everyday life.
i got pictures out of it too =)
and that makes me so happy. i got pictures of emily and i
and emily and i and my friends and its so great. its so
great to see just her and i with people that i know, have
known for a long time.
it is funny though because he reminded me of shit that i
hadnt thought about in a long time and shit ill probably
work hard at forgetting.
but once in awhile its good to look back and really see how
things have changed in my life.
and im glad to say that.
they have changed for the better
just the fact that he them they whatever assume so many
different things about me
that really are incorrect now.
make me happy.
"i should get a tape recorder. fucking. how many times are
you going to say that ashley."
a simple phrase.
a simple little phrase.
that really means so much more than the actual words.
"i have a girlfriend."
i said that so much tonight.
we should blahblah we should blahblah
not even shit relating to sex.
just whatif situations
and all i said to it was
that phrase.
and yeah
"i have a girlfriend and...im in love"
that one too.
i am so happy to be able to not even think.
i dont even think about it you know.
cheating on her.
it would never happen.
its just not a possiblilty.
"well when youre single again blahblahblah"
"im not going to be for a long time. this is not bullshit
to me."
"yeah but you know those are just words."
"yeah. words that i dont fucking use jatin. words that are
a lot more than just that."
and yeah hes a sex crazed teenage male in medschool
and hes fucking insane.
and yeah...
hes also one of my bestfriends.
and im not making excuses for him.
im just trying to explain it better.
because everything people may think about him
is right.
but thats not the important part you know
i love him.
hes him. and i love him so much for that.
he told me i was worse than a boy tonight too.
people seem to be telling me that a lot recently.
and i dont know what i really think about it.
im thinking i need to alter my vocabulary or something.
i have to pee so badly.
tonight was so great.
kind of a revalation night of sorts.
and im glad that i went out with him instead of sleeping
like i should be right now.
being with my guys like him sometimes is something i need
so much.
and i needed that.
hes doing well too. and im pleased about that.
except of the drugs. but i could say that about everyone i
know.
the coke thing i didnt like too much.
especially considering he saw what it did to me.
and how it fucked up christina.
but you know.
thats him.
thats them.
im just so glad
its not me anymore.




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