dorkydyke

The Basement
2001-12-30 03:13:44 (UTC)

Tired with lyfe...

hey...
nuthin much happened today.
I called up mah friend Stacey and we went to Pike Place
market and china town.Got something to eat in Uwajimaia
(forgot how to spell it).Dats all we did.I'm willing to bet
mah soul and everything I have dat in mah past lyfe i was
either Hitler or recarnation of Satan becuz I realized that
nuthing good have happened in mah lyfe.Nothing at all. I
never even had a best friend before.Stupid huh? Nuthing
exciting, nuthing good, nuthing bad, its lyke I'm just
accidently dropped on earth as a eternal waiting room for
me to die and then everything starts all over again. I just
dropped onto dis hell hole and god went "oops.mah bad."
Dats probably one reason i dont believe in god or any
supreme being.to me its all a bunch of bull just to comfort
urself that u were put here for a reason. A simple
illusion.My life is just like that.I'm going nowhere.Thats
probably how murderes think before they decide to kill
somebody.Put something interesting in their life.But i dont
tihnk i'll murder anybody...yet. I hope sometihng good or
interesting happens.I mean, if I'm starting to think "is
this all in life?" then imagine wat it would be like as i
enter my adult life....if i live long enough to see it. I'm
not really looking foreward to the future.If this is wat
the present have in store for me,the future I'll probably
end up as a nun.I swear I'll hang myself if that ever
happens. Is it really that hard to ask something nyce to
happen in my life for once? Just something.I dont care wat.
I bet there are alot of ppl out dere just lyke meh. But
watever god their is dont even have the grace to drop one
down to keep me company.I would even appreciate it if he
tried to and dat person landed on my head killing me.It's
so lonely and boring here.It would probably make it better
if I had a goal in lyfe but i dont.i dont even want life.i
hate it.Sure if i was a "straight" person atleast i get a
chance to live normally.But i kno i'm not.Especially living
with my parents and family.There is nuthin for me in the
future just like now.I need more then hope.hope let me down
too many times.faith i already lost.dreams and wishes r
already long gone.so wat does that leave? i cant even find
anything good about me so wat am i suppose to find that is
good in life? i was born alone and i'm gonna end up dying
alone.thats all there is too it.i'm going to die alone.Maybe i should
just break up wit J. I feel lyke I'm holding her bak. She's too good
for me.
~S


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