my so wicked life
2001-12-29 22:28:23 (UTC)

a resolution

just a resolution
maybe not for the new eve but just for me well i decided i
gonna leave definitly
that awfull place but then i have to proof my parents i can
finnish something but if i leave??
don't care its my life here they spend their time
to destroy my life to dig inside my soul and to cancel my
dream and my own goal i have for my own life
so if i don't get any dream i can't be myself i do already
so and so thing unpleasant!!!
well i gonna to challenge me to try to change thing
i judge necessary for myself during 1 month but if i see
doesn't work i will gonna move definitly and i manage to
leave to PARIS not a ran way but a real depearture
i hate evrything here its just a question of survey...
well second challenge for the new eve i have a greeting to
a party and there will be 25 people in all
and the lonely personn i will know there should be my sist
and her boyfriend so i have to proof to myself i can be
cool there to chat and to have friend there and
and to be loved from the other that should be my first
challenge then i will see if i improove i should be able to
do the effort to have a nice social life so for myself i
have to do that things is i don't know what kind of party
that should be if i have to wear smart clothers or if just
normal clother so i have to call my sist to ask her and
monday if i have to have smart clother i can buy it coze
the shop are open(hapiness for me!)so i get an answer from
SATU(my friend from finland) i chated a few time ago
online about fact to turn at 20years old and i was obliged
to leave her coze of my old sister wanted to called so i
write a email to her and today i get an answer and she said
me few sentence but so true and so sincere whom i save the
meaning here coze i don't remember by heart so here the
meaning: "u have to change, let the poeple to help you if u
need but don't leave life trought the other live your life
for yourself" the tittle of her mail was be happy and
yourself and she was agree about what i was writting on my
mail so im feel grateful coze i didn't expect for one she
so honest like a personn and so cool too and im really
expect to see her that summer with all of the bunch of
friend who go in finland just in summer :-))
well i don't know what should be tomorow but i will see i
feel a little better and fine with myself if only if only
i had an another life than the one i get now i shouldn't be
so sad like iam
but i don't want to challenge me about my eating discorder
hehe still the question keep or not to keep??(what i eat)
i think that my eating discorder allow to me to fight again
the adversity and to refused thing without saying anything
(so i stop to eat or over eat all depend)but that mine
and want to save it coze all my dream are gone now!!!
so can i say that my muse should be my fantaisy?? i even
lose my poet soul... heum don't care
i have to fight now for my life trought the crual world
bye should be disconnect and not able to go to internet my
fath gonna cut it tonight i hope to be able to use it on
the computer of my sist' when i gonna to NANTES monday
bye see you wednesday if i can't before