my so wicked life
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2001-12-29 17:59:45 (UTC)

just sorrow

yesterday i was spending an awfull night again finally its
me who called my boyriend he said to me he hasn't any
credit anymore into his cells phone
that why he didn't call me then he tell me that he was
leaving to Paris for a months to work to the restaurant
with his borther i was feeling so sad its already hard to
not see him for a week but for a months?? i was feeling sad
but little bit of rassure for fact he don't call me of
course...but yep
i was so and so sad both of my parents are sick in same
time and it was awfull to stay a friday night with your
awfull old parents.... well i was in my rooms all in dark i
was so sad and feeling like if i wanted to kill myself...
i just slept and tried to forget what i was feeling what ?
ust sorow again... i cried and was finally unable to breath
as all time i panicked go downstair and sleep but not able
again and finally decided to kill myself and then i let an
message to THOMAS on his mobile phone where i was writting
that i gonna to kill me that evrything around are wicked
and bad and so one i didn't expect for an answer but he
send me one "don't do that we will gonna to talk about that
tomorow i should be here for u" then i was piss off and
felt nothing to see and just go in my room and sleep
finally i drunk few and then i slept...
this morning i was obliged to wake up
earlier to go to for a trying at hospital about my
contact but that didn't work coze the right contact still
move on my eyes so we were losing time for nothing and that
make me sad again...
so i slept all the afternoon don't go at town coze it was
rainning and my parents were looking for my ticket train at
the train station coze i go to NANTES for the new eves im
just glad about i should'nt be alone that night so its
good if not i should be able to suicide me again....
well i was supposed to call thomas but im so lasy and sad
for that just gonna let him a message on his phone...
well im starting to smoke again; i went on the garden to
smoke iwas feeling stupid to smoke under the rain coze i
should be probably sick coze of that...
then now in my rooms that smell like if someone was smoking
in hope any of my parents gonna to look for me and smell
it in my rooms anyway im turning at 20 to i think i can
smoke whatever thing can think my parents about that...
maybe i plan to go to PARIS this holiday get enought money
for that but i have to call my cousin and i get still his
box message ..i have to do something i can't bear to stay
in home with my parents all time i think i can pretend to
leave now its depend of life im so unhappy here its this
awfull big empty house
well i leave you now hope to be happy and to improve to
make my life changing i can't believe that my life is just
sorrow can i be happy just a time??