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2001-12-29 08:00:47 (UTC)

Welcome December 28, 2001

Well this is my first entry! I would like to start at a
time in my life where things were perfect!

Before I being let me tell you alittle about myself, I was born a
November child, to a wonderful home and family, grew up in a urban city
went to school, and lived a normal life. ( I think that is
enough intro?)

Ok well this is not another love story or heartbreak story,
it is my life, if you choose to read it or not please be my guest or leave.

It all started back when I was have a conversation with
Carlos, we were both starting our shift at Fellowship. As
Carlos so gracously opened the door there he was this
clueless boy who could be no older then 18 years dumbfounded
to the world that he just entered staring his first day on
the job. But I saw past that I saw the father of my
children. He was perfect, the redest lips, the strongest
hands and the most "beautiful eyes" I have ever seen.

His name was "Cody" related to a co-worker by the name of Paul
who decided that it would be fun to work with a relative. I
never thought that one day I would meet someone so
incredible until that day.

Well, lets see if I remember everything, he was very quite
and had a funny way of letting his lip drop while he worked.
He was a hard worker, funny and a smile that made the room
brighten. (I am making this guy sound perfect just wait I
have to give the good stuff achance to balance out the bad

I had a problem I had a boyfriend named Pat of about four
years when I met Cody. Great high school sweet heart, well
like all relatonships he was a drug dealer. Got into sme
trouble but never the less I was there to comfort him.

As trouble occured in my relationship Cody of course was
there to pick up the pieces. He made me laugh and I felt
good, safe and care for. You and the rest of the world will
never understand this love I had for him.

I called him and I confessed my feelings for him, I wanted
so much to be with him and I took the chance and made him
my. I was God sent, the whole relationship, I never
realized absolut perfection until I kissed him for the first
time. I knew danger was ahead if I wasn't careful, a young
guy with so little knowledge of girlfriends and
relationships and sex I had to take this on tastfully. Cody
, yes was a virgin and I of course was not. So I held of on
the love making till he was ready, I left Pat and started a
whole new relationship with Cody. His eyes glowed, you have
to see them beautiful, when we were together, it was

But yet again I fucked it all up. I cheated on him.
Terrible mistake I swore that I would never do that again
and till this day I didn't and haven't. I told him and yes
I was told if I didn't tell him someone else will so of
cousre I swallowed my prided and told him. The look on his
face I will never forget. That is all I would like to say
on this matter.

We went our seperate ways for about three to four months and
I again called him and asked to see him and talk to him and
get to know him again. About June 1996 we became lovers,
selfish act on my part I knew that would make the
relationship or break the relationship.

He got on a plane a left not before telling me he loved me.
At that moment there was no question in my mind that he was
the one. We made the relationship offical in September of
1996. Once again the roll coaster starts.......

Between the years of 1997 to 2000 it went really wrong, I
have never had a relationship like this and I hope you all
who read this never have one too.

We must have broken up 5 to 6 times before we stopped having
any contact, the 1998 was the worest year in my life........

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