the one who got away

lost somewhere inside of me
2001-12-29 07:33:59 (UTC)

if the world was peaceful it would all still fall apart

life is full of complications and stupidity
i dont understand so many things
like how i am responsible for someone elses actions just b/c
my dad doesnt want to admit that he is wrong
i mean i completely called him out on it ...he knew that he
was wrong and then he changed the subject to make it seem
as if it was still my fault ...he was trying so hard to
find some minor detail... the stupiest thing just to be
able to pin the blame on me...its so frustrating
on top of everything else as much as he promised me that
things wouldnt change b/c of danielle everything is
changing...the way im treated...i mean i atleast used to
get the benefit of the doubt unless it was proven that i
was in the wrong but now i just get shit on
i dont even get a chance to explain
i used to be able to talk things out or try to anyway
i hate it ...im almost 19 years old and im being treated
like im back in high school b/c everything seems to be
falling back on me...

then i decided after work tonight that i would go see
Will...wasnt that a mistake...im glad i didnt stay any
longer to make him feel better b/c i got shit for that as
well...he is having problems with his friends and him and
mike almost got into a fight tonight...here is what
happened and what really bothers me... when i dropped him
off before i went to work he asked me to call him when i
got off...so i did and then he asked me to come over so i
did... only planning on staying an hour so that i would be
home by curfew...well i get there and he doesnt even act
like he wants me there on the phone he acted the same way
but i figured hey maybe he just sounded off but it didnt
change once i got there Corey sounded more excited to see
me than Will did...so i shruged it off knowing that i would
only be there for a short while...
i sat in the corner of the couch while they played a racing
game which was fine b/c i was being stand offish on
purpose...after they finished Corey went to get online and
Will went to put a movie in and he layed on the couch still
no where near me... so then that pissed me off even
more...Mike finally showed up to take Corey to work and
they left...me still sitting cur;ed up in the corner of the
couch Will still on the oposite end...well peace out to the
guys and i looked at my watch i still had 45 minutes and to
my surprise (NOT) (sighs) Will grabs my leg and looks up at
me as if he wanted a kiss...i rolled my eyes and tucked
even further to myself...his response "hey cheer up" "whats
wrong" as if he didnt know... so he flips himself the other
way and is laying inbetween me and the tv so i dont have
anywhere to dodge his looks or his ?'s..."tell me" he says
so i did i explained that he didnt want to have anything to
do with me until they left he secluded himself in the
corner on the oposite end of the couch and barely
acknowledged my existance when i showed up in the first
place..."thats not true" as he feeds me some more b.s.
then he tried to kiss me again by moving my chin closer to
his face...i pulled away and told him to quit as he
proceeded to play and try to cheer me up...tickling my legs
and giving me those cute little looks...once again i
shruged it off...i eventually decided that i was tired of
being a grouch so i cuddled up next to him on the couch but
still giving off my "im still mad at you" vibe
then mike showed back up and they were in each others faces
well mike was in wills face showing off his mouth and
throwing a fit over stupid childish b.s.
well then we all know what happened from there ...Mike
stormed out of the apartment and Will went to being the
mean stubborn pain in the ass that i had been dealing with
all day long... i tried to comfort him and to be nice and i
smiled even though i was mad ...i swallowed it b/c he
needed me...he was stressed out and i wasnt gonna make it
any worse ...so i did my thing being the great friend that
i am and the understanding person that i have always
been...i kissed him softly and asked if he wanted me to
stay a little bit longer so he could have some company and
someone to talk to...well then i was blown off and despite
my attempts... it just made me madder...so i left in anger
and if he calls tomorrow i dont know how ill handle it
but until next time
love all gnight