Life, no one gets out alive?
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2001-12-28 22:27:01 (UTC)

Where do I go?

I'm running but I don't know from what. The fear grabs at
my throat making it difficult to breath; I can't get away,
but I must. My legs ache from running; I frantically look
for a way out, so many doors. I don't know which way to
turn, everything looks the same. Where is the exit sign I
am so dependant on. I start to scream, but nothing comes
out I can barely breath let alone make noise; whatever is
behind me is catching up, ever diligent hastening towards
me. The sound of my feet hitting the ground is like a heart
beat, thump thump, the noise surrounds me. I can't find the
door, so I run though one out of the so many to choose.
Through the door into the dark, did I get out?, am I still
inside?, where have I gone? I don't know, but I hear the
demon still persistent in the search for me.

I wrote this last night at posted it at my other journal.
I think it is probably more useful for me here, as it is
how I feel. I really don't know where I go. And I am
being chased by my own mind. I don't know what to do, my
life is at what seems like a turning point and I have to
make a desion soon or I won't go anywhere I'll just stay
here, exactly where I am now. I already feel so stagnant
if nothing happnes or if I choose the wrong thing to do I'm
going to end up a deadbeat, with no job, no life, nothing.
That is not who I want to be. I want to do something get
away. I just don't know what I am going to do.

On another evil note, I realized I am still in love with an
old friend. It hurts me so badly to even think about it.
I have tried to call him many times and even emailed him
but to no evail, I think it really is impossible to get in
touch with him. Even if I can't have him the way I want
him, I would just like to have him there like we always
used to be. I don't know what to do. What am I going to

I feel like I am complaining when I shouldn't be, that my
problems aren't that big but for right now they all feel
monstrous. It doesn't help that my friends think I am a
spoiled little rich girl who has never had anything wrong.
This couldn't be farther from the truth. Damnit one day
I'll figure things out and if I don't then . . .

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