Elsedar

Just somewhere to say things
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2001-12-28 17:22:42 (UTC)

Hello World, It's me, get used to it.

Thats right, get used to it. Looking back over my
previous entries, I saw that I have been a broken record,
so this time it's going to be a bit different. Instead of
complaining about the problems in my life, I'm going
to ::gasp:: say what I plan to do about them.
Ok, lets start with the simple things and move up from
there shall we. First off, there is my financial
situation. There is the lovely thing, called a budget,
which I hope to be implementing very soon, based off what
I'm making right now. Come about mid January though, I'm
getting a raise, however, I plan to keep the same budget,
and save the extra along with any other I'm saving. ok,
yeah, it soudns easy, and it won't be that easy, but it's a
start.
Ok, next problem, my attitude towards me, as well as
the world. ok, this is a tough one, but here is my
solution, hope to hell it works. One, stop feeling sorry
for myself, jsut cause thinsg don't go the way I want them,
take it in stride, and deal with the things I have. I saw
a quote that is really cool that said something
like "happiness is enjoying the things we have, not being
upset over the things we don't." Again, easier said then
done, but aren't most things? ok, next, relax, take time
to enjoy life, and for god's sakes, I need to get out more,
which I'm hoping to do soon. No offense, but this keyboard
and monitor are not the best things for me to be
socializing with ALL the time. ok, lastly, try to improve
my self image. This has always ben a big thing for me, and
alot of my major problems stem from it. I can be possesive
about friends, and people I'm interested in, as well as if
I don't get invited to go out with frinds I can get upset,
and alot of it stems from having a low self image. Mostly
it goes like this. (my mind)"They don't want you around,
you aren't good enough, if they were really your friends
they would have invited you." (my logic)"Just because they
are my friends, doesn't mean that I'm always going to be
spending time with them, and it doesn't mean that I'm
always going to get invited to do things with them." as
you can see, Logic and mind talk are often opposed, and as
I'm such a feeling oriented person, I often end up letting
the mind talk affect me more then the logic.
ok, last one, and this is the big one right now. What
I plan to do about myself and my roomate, AKA the girl who
I've talked about in just about every journal. ok, lets
recap the situation just so we know where we stand here.
she lives with me, so does her daughter, she's pergnant,
the child isn't mine, neither is the daughter she alerady
has. I support them both, and will support the baby when
she/he comes. I feel very strongly for her, I believe it's
love, I'm not sure if she believes me though, and she is
currently dating a person that lives 4 hours away, that
while he's a good guy, every time I see them together, I
get upset because it's not me, again that mind talk telling
me I'm not good enough. ok now that we've recapped, lets
see what we can do about the problem. ok, first off, I've
GOT to stop being upset when I see her with someone else,
or when she talks about the guy she's dating. Secondly,
I've got to stop complaining about how I don't have her in
a relationship, and actually do something about it. Can't
exactly get her to be interested in me, if I don't actually
try now can I. how to accompish this, well tahts simple
enough. Just going to ask her out on a date, and make sure
I word it like that, cause if I just say "lets go out" it
might be interprestted as, "lets get out of the house, I'm
bored." I need to make sure she knows I'm asking her out
on an honest to god date, where she and I go out and enjoy
ourselves(hopefully) and do traditional date things, like
dinner, a movie, perhaps a stroll through the park
together, though that might not happen as she can't walk
for long periods of time without her hips hurting due to
that whole pregnant thing, but I'd like to, even though
it's cold, the park here, with the nice pond, and a good
array of tree's would still be nice. ok, so, thats the
first thing I'll have to do. If she enjoy's herself, and
doesn't mind going out some more, maybe we'll see what
happens from there. Of course if she turns me down in the
first place, I'll either have to try again later, or come
up with an alternative.
ok, so those are the big ones, though I'm sure there
are more problems out there somewhere. I'm open to
suggestions, if anyone has any, as I know I'm not perfect,
and can always use some good advice. later all.


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