don't know what's wrong 12/27/2001 1907 hrs
I have no idea what is wrong with me right now. As soon
as I walked thru the door, Meesh asked what's wrong? She
knows me....she can tell. I had a great day with her
today. We went to the mall with the babies today. My
goddaughters are so cute!! hehe, anyway back to the
subject at hand. I went to my gradparents house for some
dinner. No one is at my house. My sister is out with my
cousin, and my mom is with her boyfriend. Then my best
friend went outta town for a couple days. I was gonna
visit his mom, but she is asleep. After I left my
grandparents house, I had this overwhelming empty sadness
wash over me and thru me. I didn't want to go home to an
empty house. I didnt want to be alone.
I usually love having the house all to myself. I would be
able to curl up and read my Wicca book. But I felt like
there was nothing for me at my house...so I decided to go
to my sister-like best friend's house. I knew I have
someone to go to there. I always have someone when I am
with her. But, still...the feeling lingers. Even now,
she asks what is wrong...20 minutes later. She sat there,
and I looked over at her. She had this look of desolation
on her face. I looked at her, and she said I was sending
off a vibe that kinda brought her down too. I feel kinda
guilty about that. I dont like to bring other people down
when I feel like this, but...
I dont know what the fuck is wrong. I feel lost but i
dont know why. I think I do kinda... As I spent the day
with Victor's mom yesterday, we talked very personally and
deeply. I shared with her my family history...and she
shared hers with mine. We both got so sad for a bit. But
like i said before, I am jealous of his family. I even
admitted that to her.
I wonder what i should call her? Senora? Dona Dora? Tia
Dora? Not just Dora...she deserves more than that. but
Victor loves his mom so much. It is incredible and
unbelievable. You have to see and hear it in order to
really understand how much he truly does love her. I only
wish that I could find a man who will love me as much as
Victor loves his mom. Any woman would be lucky to have
him as a husband. I was lucky enough to have him as a
boyfriend for a couple months, but now I am even luckier
to have him as my best friend.
There are two people in my little treasure chest of
valuable, outside of my family...victor and meesh. Thank
the powers for that...
well i do feel a little better...
but I sitll hafta do my papers..................