need guy advice
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2001-12-28 01:04:30 (UTC)

do I have a right to be mad?

I am in a long distance relationship, where I live in STL
and my boyfriend lives in LA. we have been together for two
years, and I am 17 now and he is 18. There are indian
casinos out there, or some type of casinos you can go to
where you only have to be 18. I know he really likes to
gamble, but I hate gambling, and the thought of him doing
it drives me nuts. I really think he is going to become
addicted or lose a lot of money or start caring about cards
more than he cares about me. Normally I wouldn't think one
of his obsessions would become more important than me, but
this one does and I don't know why. We talked about
gambling a lot before he was 18, and he said that he
wouldn't go a lot, and that if it was going to bother me
that much and I really really didn't want him to go then he
wouldn't. I of course said that I didn't want to ruin all
his fun and I know that that is what a lot of his friends
do, so I just asked him not to go that often. I feel bad
that I even asked him this, but earlier he had asked me to
do the same about drinking and I agreed. I basically
stopped drinking, except on occasion (I think I have drank
once or twice in the last six months. I even go to less
parties so he wont have to worry about other guys hitting
on me.) I didn't really mind going to less parties because
it made him more relaxed and it is probably better for me
not to drink so much and to spend more time with just close
friends. Anyway, he turned 18 on dec 13th. it is now the
27th, and in the last 14 days, he has been there a lot. The
first weekend he was there for 11 hours on friday night and
forgot to call me that night because he was so involved in
the gambling. Saturday night he was there for another nine
hours, and that was after he told me he felt sick on
saturday morning so we couldn't talk right then because he
needed to sleep. I think he just was tired because he
didn't get home until seven in the morning and just wanted
to sleep, I don't think you can go to a casino for nine
hours if you are really that sick. I cried some that
weekend because he hadn't called at all, which made me
think he was avoiding my calls and didn't want to talk to
me. why else would he stay at a casino for 20 hours in one
weekend if he knew it bothered me? This sounds stupid that
I cried, and it was, but it is just that we talk usually
like three hours a night, so it was kindof a shock. Plus he
was at the casino with this guy who wants him to be single
and go out and pick up girls with him, and who is
constantly telling him to break up with me, so that was
just icing on the cake. The next weekend he went back again
even after we talked a long time about how much it bothered
me and he apologized profusely about doing that and said
that he wouldn't go again for a while. That was last
weekend, and now we are on winter break. He went to phoenix
arizona for four days for a golf tournament with the same
friend he went to the casino with before. I had my cousin
spend the night the night before last, which I shouldn't
have done because I didn't realize he was leaving the next
day, and I definately should have known that...it is just
hard to keep track of what day it is when you are on break.
so we didn't really get to talk that night, but I called
him like three times that night to say goodnight, and we
had talked for about an hour earlier that day, so I didn't
think it was that big of a deal...plus, he told me we would
be able to talk while he was in arizona. I called him the
next morning before he went to arizona, and we talked for
like half an hour. He called me when he got to arizona, and
that was at like 9:30 at night (he told me he would call at
about that time, so I didn't make plans to go out so I
could be home when he called). He wasn't talking in the
usual really nice voice that he always does, and that kinda
made me mad, but I understood that his friend was there and
he didn't want to look stupid. He said he was going out so
he couldn't talk right then. I was shocked and kinda mad
because he had made it seem like we were going to talk so I
didn't go out. He said he would call me the next day(which
would be today), we always say that, and then usually he
will call back to say goodnight if he is the one going out,
or I will call back to say goodnight if I am the one going
out. He didn't call back last night at all. He called today
at like 4 in the afternoon because his friend was in the
shower. I asked him what they did last night, because right
before we got off the phone they were joking about going to
some topless fraternity party which freaked me out...even
though I know he would never go to that. He said they went
to a casino. There was a long pause and I just said "Oh."
he asked if I was mad and I said no, and I started to ask
him how long he was there, but I stopped and said never
mind I don't want to know. I have to go. He didn't try and
make me unmad like he ususally does, he instead just
said "Ok, do you want me to just call you tomorrow or
what?" by this time his friend was out of the shower, so I
assumed he was talking weird because of that. I said sure I
guess. He said I love you and then I said I love you, and
we both hung up. I called right back and said "just tell me
how long you were there." He said like three hours. I asked
him why he didn't call back to say goodnight and he said "I
don't know, I'm sorry. Are you mad that I went there?" I
said "yes, you know I hate those and you have been there
more than once a week for really long periods of time when
you said you weren't going to go there that often." he
said "I'm sorry I went. is that you want or what? there
isn't anything else to do out here." I asked him if he was
going to go again tonight and he said probably. then he
said, I'm sorry. I love you. I told him not to call me
anymore, that I would talk to him when I got there I guess.
I am going there on sunday, and it is thursday right now.
He said I will call you to say goodnight and I said
whatever. he asked me why I was so mad and I said "don't
worry about it. its fine" (in a tone that made it clear
that it was really not fine.) he said alright. He would
call me later. he asked if I would be mad if he called me
later tonight and I said no, but that I was going out and
that I wouldn't be able to talk. He said alright. I'll talk
to you later. I love you. I said I love you too, we both
said goodbye, and he hasn't call;ed back yet (although it
is only 6:00 here and 5:00 phoenix time. ) I don't know if
I have a right to be mad about this whole gambling thing or
if I am just trying to put too many restrictions on him or
what. If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it.