AngeL w/o WinGs

-=-My So Called Life-=-
2001-12-27 21:29:34 (UTC)

The Big Cleanout

ok, so my mom and sister are cleaning out the whole attic,
lots of dust....i couldnt stop sneezing. alotta stuff up
there i never knew about. there were like a million boxes
of my dads trophies throughout high school. god
damned.....was he like a superhero or something???? 1st
place and mvp and best blah blah blah in everything. how
happy i am i am not his son.....cuz then id be pressured to
be number one on the football field, baseball field,
basketball court, AND swimming pool(lmao). Oh, and be Mr.
Clean cut perfection and great grades. LoL....thatd be my
dad....Kenny Lloyd, captain of everything class of....i
forget...it was 70sumthin. 74? 78? who knows...hes a good
person though.
erin is coming over soon. i luv erin, she is such
a sweet girl....we def. do not get to hangout as much as id
like to. she deals w/ all my men tho....like u kno how
people have accountants to deal w/ their taxes? well erin
deals w/ my boys...like no joke. every single one of
them....she has been involved with somehow, even if just to
help them cope w/ the rejection i always seem to be
spitting at them. she used to like joe....my joe. and he
liked her, i mean god...shes pretty shes sweet, shes
awesome. and they almost went out and she got her hopes up
high, and then wen i wasnt around he broke that sweet girls
heart...and his reason? ME! how absurd! i secretly WAS
really jealous but i never let anyone catch on. but....he
told her how he was in love with me....blah blah
blah.....he tried to get over me n it didnt work...n blah
blah blah he didnt wanna hurt her.

after college....me and marisa and amanda and joe
are going to live in our nice studio apartment in
manhattan. and itll have two real bedrooms, and we'll maybe
make a few more. and itll be great. joe will keep us in
check w/ bills n stuff. amanda will always be sure to find
a good party for us to hang.

hmm i wonder if ive ever told anyone that im a
sucker for a kiss. i dunno, i was jus thinking about it.
like if there is a guy and he just kisses me and the moment
was right and i got *that feeling*..that....foot popping,
heart pounding, head over heels kinda feeling, then I'm
done for and like he owns me...lol, i dunno, random
thought. and then there are those guys that kiss u....at
the totally wrong moments and it feels
so...disgusting...and that puts you so off, and you break
up with them that night cuz you just keep envisioning that
horrible kiss or their bad breath, and thats the end of
them. oh and then there is the third category
kiss....the....i feel nothing kiss. like, there no bam, its
just skin touching, its like....giving someone a high five.
me n joe mauer kiss like that all the time, like as friends
saying goodbye n stuff, no biggie. and then i remember at a
party in the summer wen i kinda liked joe neglia.....and we
were sorta there together, and we somehow ended up alone in
a room...like everyone deserted us, and he kissed me, and
there was nothing there at all. like it wasnt
disgusting...it was just a lack of emotions, and then he
wanted to ask me out but i told him not to, cuz i didnt
feel anything 4 him anymore. it was all gone. hmm....wen
matt used to kiss me...the world would fade away, and i was
above the clouds, and time had no meaning. it was
like......i dunno,perfection. and i sometimes wouldnt
realize it...but what would feel like a few minutes maybe,
turned out to be 2hours. hmm....ryan. i remember wen we
kissed awhile back. he goes to howell, hes a junior, and
the hottest howell has to offer. like seriously wen i first
saw him i like fell to my knees, he looks like he could be
a greek god or sumthin. and we kissed, and it was
amazing....but not in the same way as matt...not that
innocent and love and pure happiness kinda feeling....but
more of a wow this is hottttttttt kinda kiss, lotsa
passion, haha. umm....my first kiss ever, w/ brian. he goes
to rbc now, but omg i cant believe i went out w/ him...n
omg he was a BAD KISSER. 'nuff said there. ummm there was
ricky, no comment there yet. joe m.,but thats....well got a
long story behind it. ummmmm......oooh jerry. wow jerry
wanted to for awhile, like i knew he liked me, and i liked
him at one point. but after awhile i didnt like
that.....and he had a gf, n i didnt care cuz she like
stalked me. so anyways we had this bet once n i lost n so i
had to kiss him but we kept putting it off. finally one
night he drove over(beginning of this school year) and we
were in my garage and it was night time and he was going to
leave and he asked me n i smiled and he pulled me in and we
kissed. and i'll admit it wasnt all that bad. i would do it
again. there have been a few more men, but none really
stand out in my mind and dont seem worth mentioning. ok
i'll admit i'm all for kissing and stuff, but i am
definately not ready at all for sex. haha my mom is so
funny. she had a recent sex talk w/ me, and told me she
suspected id be ready wen i was like 17 or 18. and wen i am
ready she wants me to tell her and then she will put me on
the pill n etc....n im like....iCnt a mother supposed to be
telling me not to do the deed till im married??? and shes
like...shanen we live in modern times, things are
different, besides ur father and i lived together for 5yrs
before we were married(i already knew that).

i wouldnt mind going to private school. i was thinking
about it today. cuz see....if we had stayed w/ my dad w/
the same exact occupation and us in either singapore or
australia or spain or whatever.....id be in boarding
school, prolly in england. ive got alotta cousins up n away
in boarding schools. if we had been in singapore tho...i
mighta stay there at private school...the SAS(Singapore
American School) thats pretty damn expensive tho....SAS is
like a half million dollars for tuition for me n taryn. i
coulda gone to catholic school if id wanted to for h.s.,
but none of my friends were, so i opted not to. i would
have gone to st. john vianney's, my cousin carlee goes
there and like rules the school, no joke. shes a soph. like
me, and we are completely different. she is...well think of
that show Grounded For Life, w/ the red haired girl. she
acts like that, n sorta looks like that...but prettier n
her hair is blondish reddish brownish, i dunno. but shes a
total heartbreaker n complete bytch. but we're cousins and
shes a sweetheart to me, and the same from me to her(but i
always am to people...usually). well ive gotta go now, erin
will be here any minute n ive gotta go get changed......bye
bye

Current Music: "Deep Inside Of You" -Third Eye Blind

Current IM(s):
SlamminShanen: guess what
TwiStA877: nuttin jus got back from practice
SlamminShanen: i love you
SlamminShanen: i love you
SlamminShanen: love you
SlamminShanen: love you
TwiStA877: right
SlamminShanen: wrong answer!
TwiStA877: i love utoo
SlamminShanen: good good
SlamminShanen: ure learning




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