some guy

Who Cares?
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2001-12-27 21:18:57 (UTC)

Stoopid stuff

I feel really pissed off and down at the moment. I feel
like I just want to be free, to do all the things I want to
do and things that I've never had a chance to do. At the
moment I feel like I won't ever get the change, like this
is what my life is going to be like until I die. I guess
most people feel like that at some point in their life but
I'm feeling it now, and I don't like it.
I'm 21 in a few days and I really don't want to be. I want
to go back to a while ago when I was happy and felt free
and like I could do anything I wanted. My Grandad always
told me that he would be around to see me turn 21. He died
a couple of years ago. He was the only person who really
took an interest in me and who interested me. I used to do
things just to make him proud of me. H was the reason I did
well in school and stayed out of trouble and did anything
well in fact. I really don't want to turn 21.
It was getting me down, and the other night I went out with
some of the guys from work as I finished there last Friday
so this was probably the last time I would see my friends
(not going out all that often due to the trouble it causes).
So I had asked my girlfriend if she'd come along. She used
to work for the same company so knew the people and said
she would come. That morning she changed her mind and said
she wasn't coming. She was somehow pissed off at me for
this. Anyway, I knew exactly what would happen. I would go
out and from out of the blue her ex would show up and take
her out. Lo and behold I ask her what she's up to and she
says she's just got back from the pub with him. What a
fucking suprise. So anyway, I didnt feel like partying much
after that so went home. I was pissed off with her so I
went straight to bed. We had a row about how he always
seems to show up when I'm not around and shit like that.
It's the same row we have ever time I go out and he shows
up, which is why I don't go out much.
Anyways, it turns out that she gave him a 'Christmas kiss'.
She didn't tell me this, I read it somewhere (forget
where). This is after she's telling me how much I mean to
her and how she doesnt care for him etc etc.
She says stuff like that means nothing to her... Well it
means something to me.

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