The Bass Player

Ravings of a Madman
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2001-12-27 08:39:23 (UTC)

Day After Christmas

Tonight my brother wanted to be a total dick head and mess
with my friends on Instant Messenger. I tried to stop him,
but he tossed my around like a doll. I don't understand
why he's such a dick. He makes me want to slit my wrists
and smile dying; and there would be a HUGE smile on my
face. He gave me a headache. Guilt-ridden and feeling
sorry for myself. Not a good combination. I need to shop
for clothes but I'd like a woman's touch, so I'll ask
Jacque or Emily. Only a few more days until the end of the
year. 2002 already...I'm not ready. I don't want to be
19...I feel so old. I hate this place...someone should
take me away...give me my own place in Arizona and give me
lots of money so I don't have to do anything at all. I
feel much worse than crap. Good thing I have my friends
here for me or I would've taken the cuts by now. They're
the only thing that's stopping me from doing it at
all...All I see is them and how they're affected by me no
longer in the picture and I come back down to earth. But I
often wonder who would know and how long it would take.
Let's see...Aaron's family watches the news, so that would
be 4 there...then Tory (Aaron's bro) would tell my church
group, and then about 20 more would know (including my
girlfriend); Kyle's family watches the news, so that's 5
more...they would tell my other church group...that's about
20 or so more....Enough talk. I'm going to bed. Until
next time, pray for me.