Another lost soul

Caste Shadows
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Ezoic
2001-12-26 23:38:06 (UTC)

So sad...

At least I'm not crying... my heart feels empty though. I
feel so alone. Not even my close friends want to be around
me. Whitney wants to help but she doesn't know what to do.
I don't know what to do either... when I can't see Taylor,
I fall apart. Nothing else matters... I need to be with
Tay, I need her. Everything is so much better with her.

At least Lise comforted me last night. It really helped. I
always seem to take her for granted. Tiff too. Both say I
am their best friend. Either one could be my best friend,
but I don't know. I say Tiff because she needs me. Lise
has her wonderful boyfriend and doesn't really need me as
much. But Tiff really does. She was considering suicide
over me, when she thought I was gone for good. She says
I've made her life whole. I feel so bad... she says she
won't love, but I think she loves me. When I talked to her
once about it, I told her it wouldn't be fair to her future
boyfriend if she thought of me as the best guy in the world.
She told me that I would be the best, no matter what. And
she told me that she didn't want a boyfriend anyway. I wish
I could give her more... I wish I could give a lot of people
more. I wish I could talk to Tiff again. I want to be
close to her.

I don't feel like doing anything. I want to be with my
Taylor. That's all. Everything else goes away when I'm
with her. Its even worse thinking that she is probably sad
too without me... I want her to be happy. She's strong
though. A lot stronger than me. I'm screwed up
emotionally. I've been through too much. I can't handle it
anymore.

So alone...


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