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2001-12-26 18:59:47 (UTC)

11

2001-12-26 - 12:34 p.m.

fuck fuck fuck fuck

shit

why the hell do we have to fight

im gonna transfer this to my other one but its shut down

fuck

why

i hate this page its all happy

life isnt happy

fuck

god

i dont want to go to fuckin driving lessons why the hell
cant she see that im gonna get into a wreck and die or
something i dunno ive only been fuckin driving twice and
theyre gonna put me on fuckin university with all those
fuckin cars and i dont know how the hell to cope because i
dont know how the hell to drive and its fuckin scry and
fuckin no fun and i cant do it why doesnt she understand
this isnt something thats easy for me and id cant fuckin do
it and so i say no and she says yes and what do you know we
get into another fuckin fight over what seems to be fuckin
nothin but its more than that its more than driving that
were fighting over and we both know it it turns into a
lecture then me screaming just so shell listen but shes
like a little kid and doesnt understand doesnt try to
doesnt put herself in my place i see her point but she
doesnt see mine . if she did she wouldntve slapped me she
wouldntve called me those names she wouldntve said i was
going to hell

why did she say all that fuckin crap

damnit

why , im going to hell because i dont want to drive and my
rooms messy

its not even that messy the beds not made thats all

fuck

i hate this in a mood where i feel like killing myself

damnit

i hate this

it bites

crap

shit

fuck

shit

i cant take it why does she always tell me that im going to
hell

i mean i can take everything else

but that last part

just kills me

so i cry forever and shes iced over

and i cant take it god

god

why the hell are you letting this happen

i hate it

and she screams get out of my face

doesnt even listen

were not even that close

i cant talk to her about anything

cant talk to dad about anything even

what kind of parents are those

and its not like i dont try

if i didnt try then id be to blame

but i do

and they dont seem to understand

dad does sometimes

but mom doesnt i dont think she wants to or maybe she just
cant

i feel so terrible i really hate her i dont know why

well i do

its what she said

sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never
hurt me

whoever said that was the biggest idiot ever known to
mankind

i wish it were sticks and stones because words hurt more

and then she complains about how expensive the fuckin
lessons are

well hell i know that

its not like shes losing money though it doesnt cost
anything to cancel

and i cant stand it

i cant

fuck

if it cost stuff well hell shed be more careful

damn and she has money

they have money

why the hell then does she worry like crap over it

dad never does

hell she doesnt even work why the hell should she worry
about fuckin money then

damnit

i cant stand this

i wish

no i dont

fuck

still cryin crap why does this always happen

why do i hate her

fuck

she doesnt even love me

im pretty sure of that

she thinks everything i do is terrible

and no matter how hard i try ill never measure up

all 100s and 1 80 and shell lecture me on the 80

fuck

and she acts like she knows what shes talking about

like in tennis

she gives me advice

crap ive been able to beat her since i was7

thats over 8 years

and she thinks she knows better

i suppose its partly me though

cuz i listen sometimes

and when i do thats when i fuck myself up

cuz her advice doesnt work

i dont think it ever did in anything

fuck

why does it have to be this way

fuck

haha i wish i were some dumb blonde just blow it of lalala
and go talk with my boyfriends or something

damnit now i feel sick

and i wish dad would come home

fuck

i hate this

i hate this i hate it i hate it

i wish i was a kid

i dont want to get old

i dont want to grow up

and i DONT WANT TO GO DRIVE

god right now my worst fear is dying of couse

does she know how many fuckin teenagers die in accidents

and ive only been on the fuckin road twice

for like 1 hour each time

and now im gonna be in the street with intersections
traffic stop lights damnit i cant cope who could i already
have a lot of stress hell i already have grey hair

damnit

too much pressure

pressure for driving

for tennis

for school

mostly for tennis and driving

school is pressure but its constant damnit school is easy

everything else is fucking hard

im not a fuckin natural athlete i have to work

i dont have fast reactions and i dont have much common sense

fuck and soon i have an alergist appointment

fuck

theyll stick needles in me and then my back will be swollen
for days

fuck

i hate this

why the hell does it have to be like this

fuck it all

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