Flower Princess

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2001-12-26 16:35:58 (UTC)

Perhaps I'm just a lesbian?

So, in my last entry I was talking about this guy I met,
who I would like to talk to, etc. etc. blah blah blah.
Well, we've been talking and I have been seeing more of
him. He's absolutely gorgeous, and really like no person
I've ever met, but I'm still struck with one thought-what
am I doing?
After my last boyfriend, I was single for like 6 months.
All of a sudden I'm talking to a new guy. I guess it
really isn't all of a sudden, but it feels like it is.
Maybe I should have a rule that I wait the same amount of
time before dating someone new as long as the relationship
with my ex was. By that rule, I'm not allowed to date
again for 4 more months. I'd hate to date someone for 10
years then break up. So maybe that's not the greatest
rule. But I don't feel ready yet.
It's not like my ex ruined my life. He didn't break my
heart or anything. But the relationship was stressful as
hell, and when I get involved with someone, other parts of
my life slip. But B isn't like K. B is the new guy. K is
the ex, in case you hadn't picked up on that.
I wonder if I am a lesbian. I could imagine spending the
rest of my life with one of my girlfriends before I could
any guy I know. Except one. Who's my lobster, who's name
is also B. But that's confusing, so I'll call him W. You
know the lobster thing right? Their pinchers are connected
So maybe I'm not a lesbian, maybe everything wrong with
my love life stems back to W. Because when I dream about
my wedding, he's the groom. When I see myself old and in a
nursing home, he's old with me. But more about W later.
Right now, a big part of me would like to pursue a
relationship with B, but a small part is scared. I don't
want to lose myself if a damaging relationship. I don't
want to have to worry and stress about it all the time.
Wow, maybe K really did screw me up.

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