angryanymore

charms

All is full of love

You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it

Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours into

Maybe not
From the directions
You are
Staring at

Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love
All around you

All is full of love
You just ain't receiving
All is full of love
Your phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love

erika said that she ran into kolby, brad, and wyatt at
work... and that kolby looked awful... she thought i'd take
some kind of glee in the fact that he hadn't shaved and his
hair looked rough.... ... but... i miss his stubble and
messed up hair... ... that's what made me look for the
lyrics to all is full of love... he had that engraved on a
charm he got me for my birthday last year... ... jan
3... ... it'll have been a year since that nite he gave it
to me... hm.. ... ... its weird wearing that charm... i
feel like everytime i read it... (every time i wear it i
read it) ... that i was lied to. ... i was, i
guess... ... ... i have a question... does a person have to
say... "i promise" to make a promise...? ... i don't think
so.... but.... .... i don't know. why am i recapping all of
the time? ... because i've been lying to myself... you
don't get over or get past someone you love... not in a few
months. ... you never stop loving someone if its real..
that's what i've always thought.. and that's what it feels
like... therefore, i really loved him and it hit me hard...
and... (and this is what kills me) ... he never actually
LOVED me... he may have been affectionate... but.... all of
his kisses and the charm... and the touches... and the
hands... and the breathing... and the talking... and the
crying... and the everything... was never to him ... what
it was to me... or else... i would feel better now after 6
or 7 or 8 months... instead of still secretly dwelling on
yesterday..... and man... am i dwelling... I SAT IN MY CAR
AND LISTENED TO THE KOLBY AND NEELEY CD in my car tonite.
all the way through!!!! how pathetic... ....... why do i
care? .. why couldn't i just be a normal person... and not
get attatched to a sick person?! ....... why me? ......
when he said... "neeley, you have to stop doing this... i'm
sick... and six inches away from blowing my brains out that
day." ... i shouldn't have walked away. i should have
screamed and said... you selfish asshole! ... what about my
brains?! how do you think i'm feeling?! why don't you
care?! i've cared. and if you can't see that you are a
stupid waste. ............ i should have... but i know i
never could have... god... why?! ... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
AM SO ANGRY AND HURT... and i'm supposed to be over it
now... mom's like... "its been a while... he was a jerk...
get over it... i don't want to hear his name cross your
lips" ... ... but i don't want to forget.. i forget more
and more everyday. and ... i just don't want to... i want
to remember the way he traced me with his fingers.... i
want to catch glimpses of the me ... or the memory of the
me who actually thought that ... those traces meant
something... .... god god god god god...

shuttup everyone who has something insulting to say about
this entry.

don't say a word, jackie. we don't have to talk about this.