ThE_DuDe (Basstorius)

ThE_DuDe Files
2001-12-26 05:36:00 (UTC)

SCARED OF .....................WHAT?????????

im scared. i dont know what to do. i have this horrid
anxiety that i dont know why it is happening but it is just
out of nowhere it shows up and i am hurt by it. i just want
to curl up and cry but i cant only because of the fact that
my parental units will see me and think i am going crazy
and try to get me "help" as they say. but they arnt
helping . i know i will know what to do soon but i am
scared. i just wish i knew what to do now. i talked to me
old love chelsea. from california and she sounded so cold.
she normally sounds so happy to hear from me. but this time
she sounded like she could carre less. i was so happy to be
talking to her and she just threw me away like i was one of
her everyday phone calls. i hurt so bad and i dont know if
i could ever talk to her the same ever again. i know i am
just raddleing on about nothing and that all you reading
this are thinking of what a fuck up i am. but im not. i try
so hard just to keep someone i love and i cant. there was a
time when me and chelsea were really not together but we
were. she would break up with me and then three weeks later
she would be in love with me again. and this happened like
7 times. i didnt know what to think of it. i was only 16
going on 17 and i thought that i was in love and i also
somtimes knew i was in love but i didnt want to admit that
it most likley wasnt love. then one day like last yea i was
talking to one of my friends. her name is marie. i loved
marie as a sister and she loved me as a brother. she was
the nicest person i have ever met. well i was talking to
her and she said that chelsea was breaking up with me just
to see if i really loved her. and i was conforted. for
alittle while. and it was a LITTLE while. i was so hurt
when she just said that she didnt love me anymore. and that
she never did love me. ....
um.......mooo.....................giant long pause for

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