This is Growing Up.
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2001-12-26 03:27:45 (UTC)

Some Shtuff..

As the old year ends and the aura of the new year begins, I
feel that every single day that is passing that the
relationship I have with my mother is deterioting. I don't
know if it's her "unreasonable" personality or if it's just
me. What if it is just me? Will I be able to handle that
truth? Yeah, I know the practical point of view in this
situation. Blah blah blah, mother's are like that. They
tend to do that sometimes but I do acknowledge the fact
that she knows more than I do. And I also know that I
sometimes am a little brat. It's just the way she holds
herself that makes me want to tip my drink in her lap or
want some mischevious mishappening happen to her. It's
horrible, isn't it? I am a malicious, tedieous little rat
because I want to cause my mother grief. But she's the
kind of person that wouldn't ever be my friend. That if I
was with a group a friends and she came along, I wouldn't
want to even be friends with her or even try. She's
conceited, greedy and malicious. When she speaks her words
are like knives. The way she holds herself is like she
were more than God himself. Ahh.. maybe it's just me.
Maybe I am one of those teens that think they know more.
I'm not saying I know more. All I'm saying is that a
person should be able to stand back and just tune it down a
little. She seems to turn her compliments into conceit and
to love money more than food.
My grandma came today and Joe was here. It was a
surprise because my grandma hated Joe but she told me she
came for the kids. For me, for my brothers. So, after
making the tamales we played poker and I was talking to my
grandma about what I did today and how she was doing and
how was her boyfriend. We were having a fun conversation.
I put my cents in there and they delt. We were still
talking and laughing then my mother said in an evil
tone "Put you're quarter in, if you're not going to play
then leave. If you're going to play then pick up your
cards and deal." Then I asked her "Losing mom?" and she
looked at me oddly and said "what?" "Because I was
wondering why you said those words with such conviction, I
presume that you were losing." And she smirked and
said "No, in fact.." with that she unfolded her arms where
the money hid and there was a stack of pennies and a couple
of dollars, some quarters and change "I have enough to buy
you some tissues just in case you cry cause you lost all of
your money." "well, mommy" I said with a great smile, "I'm
sure you won't be able to buy YOURSELF some tissue paper
once I finish here. " So we played. I played with such
happiness and Joe was there making fun of me. Of course he
was doing the usual, making fun of how I was dressed and so
on. My grandma even had to tell him to stop and he did.
My grandma was losing. After a winning streak, I was
praying that my grandma would start winning my cents.
Quietly and quietly I prayed. After a moment, my grandma
started winning. I would clap and pat her back. She was
so happy. My mom was getting angry. In fact, she started
throwing the cards at me once she started dealing them. I
laughed. She hated that.
Then as I was talking to my grandma my mom delt me 5
cards and I was still talking. They started looking at
their cards and I was sorta confused cause I didn't know
where my cards were. So I asked my mom " Mom, where are
my cards?" She looked at me and looked around the table and
said "Where are your cards?" "*sigh* that's what I just
asked you. You're the dealer." "Did I give-wait." Then I
waited and she got so mad at me " You're not playing!" I
was like "huh?!" "You were talking too much that you put
your cards inside the used ones!" "well then give me
another 5 I didn't look at them.." "No! You don't
play!" "Oh c'mon mom I already put in my money." "No! I
swear, leave! Leave! You're not playing anymore.. if you
play I'm not playing." and everything was just going so
fast, it was like Huh? what?! Who?! where?! so I
said "Well... where's my quarter?" "HERE!" and she threw it
out of the pile and I left. My grandma looked at my mom so
disappointed in her. I could see it. My mom looked at my
grandma and said "It was her fault! She wasn't paying
attention! She was there talking to you and we didn't know
which pile to put it in... it was her fault." (in
spanish) "Well, you shouldn't of just screamed at her like
that. She was talking to me. It's true, if you weren't so
stupid you woulda known where to put your cards." and with
that she got up and served herself a tamale. My mom got
mad and she said "I don't wanna play anymore." Then Joe
said "It's just that you give her to many chances. Blah
blah blah" they were talking like I wasn't even there.
Like I wasn't even there. I was in the sala! Man! I
wanted to go up to Joe and say "FUCK YOU! ....fuck....
you." but I just sat down... got my CD player and sang
along to Sublime.

My sister called. It was weird cause I haven't talked
to her in YEARS. 2 to be exact. So, she calls up and
says "Sophia, you're being a stupid little snobby girl.
You're acting like a little bitch and you know why?
Because you think you know more than anything else. And I
know you're not going to listen to me because I know you.
You have to stop acting like the little innocent that you
think you are. You're not the victim here. Who the fuck
do you think you are trying to strip my mom's only escape
from you?" With this I asked her "What escape?" "Joe you
moron. My mom is tired of you. She doesn't want you
anymore. She even called me up crying because you were
being so rude to Joe." "Ahh... *sigh*" "C'mon Sophia.
It's none of your business what my mom is doing. Your
opinion doesn't matter. And plus, you're still a little
brat. My mom does everything for you and this is how you
repay her!" "Ahh... *sigh*" "You're just so fucking blind
because my mom means alot. Yeah, I have fucked up but you
know what?! I'm not a little brat like you. My mom means
more to me than anything else. You need to grow up and
apologize to my mom." "Ahh.. *sigh*" "Bye." She hung
up... so I just sighed and laid in my bed, staring at my
"How are you doing Laurie? How's Travis? And how's the
little baby? Eating alot? What are you going to do for
Christmas? New Years? So what did you do today? Good day
huh? Bad?........"
So many thoughts ran through my mind and yet, after all
this happened. I thought of Shawn and smiled.

"...okay..okay, Really?! That's so great, Laura!...Merry
Christmas, Laurie!
I love you....bye...."

Ahh.. the truth hurts.