Trixie Dust

Trixies in the Wind
Ad 2:
2001-12-25 23:31:07 (UTC)

Crazy

'...Shadows they fall on the stage of your own life,
Trailing behind footsteps. There's comfort in ghosts who
are no longer with you, Hiding behind your death...'

My head hurts.

I feel- wierd. I dont know, like I should be feeling
something and Im not. Maybe guilt, maybe happiness, I dont
know. Just, this christmas felt kinda empty, like, not the
same. Lacking. kinda how I feel right now. Like a
shell. All these requirements i meet, and get kinda
ignored. Is that waht I want? Like, i think im finally
realizing what God says, how were like a mist, barely
here... yet all this little seconds effect us so much...
all these decisions. Some dont have consequences even
though they should. Its strange.

dad called. I ever so skillfully avoided speaking.

Hes not seeing us at the mall. He took his family to
Texas.

'...Still I wanna be, where you sleep, where you laugh,
where you breathe. And I hate to say, still I sway- brown
your eyes, Gone away...'

Nine days. Dont ask, cuz i dont know.

Stupid depression. Stupid stupid stupid. Why cant I
overcome it? How does it sneak up on me? I really dont
know, its so strange. Maybe it is a disease. My poor
children, theyre bained with this.

'...and its so sad, your so good and im so bad. But you
wont see me wastin the best thing I ever had...'

'...Hard to see the window facing forward looking back,
Over years spent tracing wondering how you left your track.
Underwater breathing burns your lungs and breaks your back,
And you could be waiting right here for a day that won't
come...'


Dad amuses me. He really does. I wonder what he thinks,
how he thinks, how his mind works. What his reasoning and
logic is like. Thats so crazy. So am I. I have a habit
of figuring out how people think. Its strange almost. I
know exactly whats wrong with me and why I feel liek I do,
but I take no steps to change it. I pray, but are they
empty? I can see Jesus up there, longing to answer but
holding back... for what? I dont want to mess up, I dont
want to be bad, I want to be good, innocent. Thats me.
Thats what Im called to be. stupid tests of faith.

'...I let you down you've lost your taste, I'm losing
ground I fall from grace...'

Matt, angel, i love you so much

Hey bro, loves ya too, even if your just a teddy bear

Marie, bff, take care, i love you

Everyone, loves you too

Lata dayz


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