2001-12-25 06:45:45 (UTC)

38 min til Christmas

Not really looking forward to Christmas. I guess it's
because it seems like just another day to me. We used to go
all out on Christmas with decorations and everything, but
my house looks so boring. The only thing that looks
remotely Christmasy is the presents sitting on my mom's
bedroom floor. It's kinda sad. Christmas is my favorite
time of the year, and this year, it kinda sucks. The one
good thing is that I get to spend time with the people that
I love. Which is what it's all about anyway. I don't know
why I'm so stressed about it. Maybe it's because I know a
lot of people who aren't gonna have a good Christmas.
Wes from work got me a Christmas present. It is so cute!
It's a Mickey Mouse watch that came in a little cylinder
case with a Mickey Mouse paper weight figurine thing. It
was so sweet. That basically made my day.
I'm having a little bit of an emotional time at the moment.
I've been this way for a few days. It's that thing where I
feel like I don't tell people what they mean to me enough,
and it gives me that pain in my throat like I want to cry. I
just feel like I don't make my "feelings" known very well.
I hide behind jokes and wise-cracks. But I just want to say
I love you to everyone.
Amanda, you'll never know how much I really do love you.
You are my best friend, and I'll be here for you for as
long as you want me to be. I'm not mad or disappointed in
you, like you may think I am. You are a very important part
of my life, and I hope you know that I would do anything
for you. I want you to know that I'll stand behind you in
anything that you decide to do, and you have my support
100%. No matter what has happened to us in the past, you
are basically the only one that has stood behind me, and
you've help me overcome a lot of bad things that have
happened in my life; even though you may not know it. I
will always be here for you. I hope we can both start the
new year with different outlooks on life, and make the best
of what we have.
Jenny, I know we have had a few rough times lately, but I
still love you too. We've known each other for 6 years, and
I don't want to throw that all away. There are things that
we disagree about, and things that we don't understand
about each other, but I hope that won't cause us to not be
friends anymore. I do miss the times that we used to have
together, and the conversations we used to have, and I hope
that someday soon, we can get that all back. You know so
much about me, but there are ways that we have both
changed, and I would really like us to know the people that
we are now. I hope that soon we can start hanging out again
because I miss a lot of what we had. I'm sorry if I ever
acted or said anything that bothered. I've just been trying
to undestand. I don't want to butt into your personal life
if you don't want me to, I guess I just want to know what
you think, and how you feel. I know we have both changed,
and we both think differenly now, but I know we can
overcome all of that. There was a time when we thought
exactly the same, and we could laugh together about
anything, and that's the thing that I miss the most. I
guess all I'm trying to say is that I love you, and I hope
we can make it through all of this.
I know you're not reading this Justin, because I know that
you won't, but in case someday you ever do, I love you. I
know I say it a lot, but I also know I don't show it a lot
in ways that I maybe should. I could never put into words
how much I love you, but I hope that I can at least show it
to you. I know that you and I are going to live a long and
happy life together. We've been together for 2 and a half years,
and though we've had some rough times, I've never stopped
loving you. I will never stop loving you. It all seems
worth it to me knowing that we've made it through it all,
and we still love each other. We haven't been 100% honest
and faithful to each other, but I promise you that it will
all change. I never want to be without you, and I know I
will never have to be. Nothing is more important to me
than "us" and it will stay that way for as long as I live.
Having a lot of time to think, it's dawned on me that my
entire life I've been waiting for you, and even after I
found you, I guess I just didn't know for sure that it was
you I was waiting for. But I know that now, and I guess
deep down I always knew. I'm so sorry that I didn't show it
as much as I should have. You are and will always be the
most important thing to me. I love you baby.
I hope that everyone who reads this has a Merry Christmas.
Have a wonderful time with the people that you love, and
never forget how important they all actually are.
Talon, I hope you have a Merry Christmas. I'm sorry that
you're too proud to come around. You gave up on a really
good thing, and really good friends. I'm sorry that you
never saw that. But we still love you, and we think about
you all the time. Again, Merry Christmas.