AngeL w/o WinGs

o man

ife is so bogus right now. nothing to be happy about....and
yet everything to be happy about, weird...eh? i think i may
scream if my mom says one more word. me n jenny exchanged
gifts around 8....i got a cool chicken soup teenage
collection book(yes im a dork and i love reading). i got
her this stereo thingie. i hate her dad, hes so loud and
obnoxious and annyoing and causes them so much unwanted
unhappiness. hes just like michael....but atleast they
kicked mike out, or whatever. thank god, i mighta killed
him myself.

on sunday i was at amanda s's party. wow she should really
go out with Paul, and just dumpDan. My opinion. I finally
saw James after a long time....wow hes been working out,
even marisa noticed it. he got much hotter too, like if he
wasnt britts ex bf and if he didnt have a gf and he wasnt a
good friend of joe m's, then i mighta just jumped him rite
there, haha not. james is our bud, hes so sweet tho. except
he almost killed me. in amandas room he hugged me and like
picked me up and held me over his head and there was a
ceiling fan on, thank god i was wearing amandas hat and
THAT got stuck....not my hair or neck or sumthin. anyways,
joe m. was acting weird. sorta distant. but i kno wat hes
doing....im not dumb,i kno his game. he thinx that by
keeping distant from me on occassion, he is in some way
healing himself or like attempting to suddenly forget his
feelings for me in a heartbeat. ha...not gonna happen,
matters of the heart dont work that way, if hes been trying
for almost the past year.....its not gonna suddenly fade
away so fast. hes my soulmate tho, id marry him. hes my
best friend in the world tho.....like i totally udnerstand
him, and it kills me that i break his heart.

hmmm guys. jared called me and left a message on my machine
w/ his band at the studio. whatever i said about him
before.....I DONT KNO. i do like him. but......i dunno if
i could see us together, cuz i see him so friggin much in
the school day. ricky......i dunno whats up w/ that. joe
would get really pissed tho. everyone would
actually.....but i would feel comfortable w/ him. whatever.

i used to be a good girlfriend. the works.....devoted,
happy, not obssesive or possesive, but not distant. but ha,
i dont kno what im doin anymore THANKS TO THAT JERK THAT
RIPPED OUT MY HEART. props to anyone who would wanna put up
w/ me now....

my mom isnt celebrating xmas this year...bc her sister just
died, and she is upset and wants to stay home, and she is
sending us away to my aunt n uncles house w/ my dad.
ive resented my mom for so many things in my
life......babying taryn, blowing up n hitting me wen i was
little, not letting me cry, trying to make me choke on
milk, not letting me go to FL, throwing away my modeling
career, just stupid stuff. but yea we've got a crazy side
to my family....and no1 believes me. picture perfect family
MY ASS. ok heres the real stuff. my dad doesnt wanna be
living in the suburbs of america, he wants us to be far
away......he wants to be offshore diving in foreign warm
climate countries and seeing us every 2months. my
mom.....major issues w/ her family and she has a temper
that sometimes gets outta control, n NO ONE WILL BELEIEV ME
cuz shes the biggest actress and they only see her, IM
PERFECT AND NICE AND COOL side. my brother is gay and 24
and still living with us....'nuff said. taryn....biggest
little drama queen in the world. oh and did i mention my
mom doesnt wanna be living here either?
my mom resents the fact that we gave up 'the good life' for
a 'good family enviorment suburban' life. she wants to be
back in Singapore, taking like a million tropical vacations
a year, with her maids and servants, and her kids away in
private school. she wants to be out clubbing and partying
every night. well i dont care, they think i dont kno they
want that life back, but i kno. i can even see it in their
eyes. i'm glad i live here though. as boring as it
is......that life has its ups...yes, but its got its major
downs as well.

anyways, its past midnight, so its christmas. this is a
holiday of giving, not recieving. it is a holiday about our
savior jesus christ.....but hallmark too advantage of that.
anyways, merry christmas to you all. sorry for being a
downer.

current music: "Build Me Up Buttercup"