Nick's Journal
2001-12-25 04:45:54 (UTC)


It's Christmas once again and here I am standing at home.
In front of my tree. Who am I? And what will I come to
be? I know what I want, but it is not to happen. Have my
best days gone by already? What can I expect? I'm not
pious, I'm not "good", I don't help others, I lie, I
steal, I cheat, I break the commandments. I love the
commericalism though. I love getting presents. But this
year my best presents were two books. Two books, that's
like fucking asking for world peace and to end hunger.
Two books? Come on, how can I be satisified with two
books? But I am, I must say I'm more satisfied than
ever. Get this (I know it's fucked up) but I got more joy
out of seeing my family get really happy bout their
presents than getting happy bout what I got. I was so
happy that my brother loved the video game he got. And
the best part of christmas was not me un-wrapping my "big
gift" but it was hooking up my brother's gamecube so that
he could play his game.
Have I grown up? I sure hope the fuck not. Sure I'm 20
now, but hell, so what. What route should I take to
my "glorious" end? Should I act humble and mature, or
should I act like the ass-hole teenager who thinks he's
better than everyone? Should I feel the carelessness of
getting lost after Kings Dominion or the responsibility of
my future? Should I worry more about whether I want
another Steak Stuft Burrito or should I worry bout where
to invest?
Hmmm. People write bout the dumbest stuff. They see a
trash can and it's poetry. They see a homeless guy and
it's an epic. Well I saw a toilet brush in the Barringer
bathroom and you konw waht? it looked like a fucking
toilet brush. It told me nothing. Maybe i'm a narrow-
minded idiot through whom toilet accessories can not
communicate. Maybe i'm a person that can't find the
aesthetical value of a shit-encrusted toilet seat, but
hell, i'm glad. I've just found that i wonder bout my
future, and that I make no sense.
What a horrible combination.