AngeL w/o WinGs

-=-My So Called Life-=-
2001-12-24 20:27:34 (UTC)

Christmas Eve Sagas

So today I woke up losing my voice. We had a big family
breakfast that i was late for because I was exhausted, I
was partying yesterday. Then we drove to Holmdel to go
visit Nana's grave, I had my Juliana Theory CD on the whole
time, going there makes me really sad. I kept envisioning
my death, getting shot down in the middle of the street,
and Joe was there and he was the only one who was
crying.....and I was reciting lyrics from the juliana
theory, and james was running around freaking out trying to
get help. i dunno, it was a weird....i'm awake but having a
nightmare/dream type of moments.
i got home and looked in the mailbox. i got a
college thing, and i got an xmas said on the
envelope that it was from jared. i dont kno how he had my
address. but i opened the card and it was so sweet and wow
i almost spit out my soda though wen i read it, just
because a card from him(that he actually went out and
bought from the hallmark store) was pretty random.
so i'm forgetting about mr. heartbreaker, little
by little. as joe puts it.....i'm in a rut right now. ok
i'll admit matt crosses my mind alot, but im trying to not
let it get to me. i've gotta start worrying about alotta
other....more important stuff right a
job......and OTHER GUYS.
about other guys, i always feel so amazingly
horrible in the end. somehow, i end up breaking their
hearts or messing with their heads or hurting their
feelings, and i kno me n marisa live by the 'perfect'
theory, and that we cant let other people bring us down n
feel bad bc any decision we make MUST be right bc we r
perfect or whatever(dont take that literally). right now i
have to GREAT possibilities for boyfriends, and i just keep
holding them back or throwing them off or whatever, for a
reason i do not know. first there is jared. he is so sweet
n cute, but it just feels weird, i dunno why. and then
there is ricky. he goes to another h.s. nearby and would be
totally devoted to me....but......i wouldnt have to see him
all school week. he is really hot too. only problem w/ him
is joe would shoot him and lock me in a closet if i ever
went out w/ him bc joe secretly cannot stand him n alotta
other people in his group of friends cant either. james jus
said he hates him too. so.....i dunno if id wanna put up w/
that either.

i would like to thank the person that last responded to my
journal. the advise was heartwarming and inspiring. yeah i
hope i can get over all that life is going
nowhere shyt, and i kno itll be over soon enuff, just
wanted to say thank you;o)

have to go get ready for church soon. happy holidays

current music: "Hit or Miss" ~NFG