It's ok to be crazy
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2001-12-24 18:53:17 (UTC)


i feel trapped by my own mind. there are so many thoughts
and emotions going on inside of my head but they aren't
going anywhere. they are too sedated by the celexa to make
it out. i don't know. i just feel numb. i don't feel like
me anymore. i can't cry anymore i can't draw i can't even
listen to the same music. it just doesn't do anything for
me anymore. i stopped taking the celexa for a while just
because i wanted to be able to feel again. latly i feel
like i am just walking around like a zombie. a zombie with
a big stupid grin plastered on my face bacause that is what
everyone wants to see on me. but honestly what is wrong
with how i was? was it really that bad. so my hands shook a
little and every once in a while i hurt myself. it wasn't a
daily thing or anything. and it was all for good reason. if
you asked me there was a good reason for every time. at
least i knew how to feel. i knew how to think creatily. now
i just feel like all creative thought has just been drained
from my body. and that was the one part of me that i loved.
now what am i left with? just this empty hollow feeling. so
i guess the point of all of this is...i want to quit the
meds. i want to be me again.