Lt.Shorty

Psychotic Rambles
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2001-12-24 16:59:25 (UTC)

::dry sob::

i saw justin today.


me and eskimo and meghan were hanging out and i said "i
should work up the nerve to go see justin, but i wont" and
they DRAGGED me over to his house...i made a complete fool
of myself. i ran up the stairs and fair hid. then i came
halfway down and went right back up . i did that i think
because i had an extreme urge to attack him and shower him
with kisses. the memories just all flooded back to me from
that stairwell..that person that meant and still does mean
so much to me.

i never forgot him. i couldnt. i took one look at him and i
fell madly in love with him again. And then Katelyn told me
he has a girlfriend. pain. now staind's lyrics are more
true than ever (see yesterday).i waited 6 god damn fucking
months to see him again and he's TAKEN. i would wait until
the end of the sun for the chance to be with him again. and
hell no i'm not telling him any of this. I would lose what
very little i still have of him

Rian is pizzed. i think he read my little journal thing.
and took it the wrong way. i dont know. i dont care
anymore. maybe i should just ditch everyone and be with
whomever i liked for that moment. like i used to. i was
free then. now things are more complicated. because of
missy partly. the rest is just me..

i am completely unlikeable. who would like some weird
(very), depressive, hyper, hysterical, enthusiastic and not
even comely little girl. normally my self esteem is never
that low but ... i'm in pain. physically. i think i'm going
to put on a happy face for my parents and go upstairs and
try to cry. i could never cry over a guy. i never will
either. i sob, but the tears never come. isnt this weird?

i have a headache

prolly no one is gonna have the patience to read all the
rest. but these are lyrics that come to mind for one reason
or another.


from heartbroken. next report on wednesday. merry christmas.


Dammit
It's alright
to tell me
what you think
about me
I won't try to argue
or hold it against you
I know that you're leaving
you must have your reasons
The season is calling
and your pictures are falling down

The steps that I retrace
the sad look on your face
The timing and structure
did you hear he fucked her?
A day late a buck short
I'm writing the report
On losing and failing
when I move I'm flailing now

And it's happened once again
I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sees through the master plan

But everybody's gone
And I've been here for too long
To face this on my own
Well I guess this is growing up

Well I guess this is growing up

And maybe I'll see you at a movie sneak preview
You'll show up and walk by on the arm of that guy
And I'll smile and you'll wave we'll pretend it's okay
The charade it won't last when he's gone I won't come back

And it'll happen once again
You'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
And sees through the master plan

But everybody's gone
And you've been there for too long
To face this on your own
Well I guess this is growing up

Well, I guess this is growing up [4x]
Well, I guess this is growing up

Don't Sell Me Short
we don't need any more mountains
Because the trail builders
failed to give us passage there
so we can't reach the sky
We don't need any more failure
There is human tragedy
that's written everywhere
And we are all too young to die
Like a mystery that's here to stay
Some people never go away
cuz they've got something to say
Don't sell me short!
You've been wrong too long
Don't brush me off
just because I don't belong
Like it or not I'm all you've got,
Dispose when I'm shot
Just don't sell me short,
I might not be who you thought
We don't need any more fables
because the writers have passed
and left us lessonless
And we must find our own way
We don't need any more privilege
There is vivid desperation
that is powerless
That no surplus can repay
Like the fix of rapture in a trance
Oh, fates are sealed by circumstance
So you've got to take a chance
Don't sell me short!
You've been wrong too long
Don't brush me off
Just because I don't belong
Pass me on by, ignore my cry,
forget me when I die
Just don't sell me short,
Not while I'm still alive
Everybody's talking about heaven on earth,
I'm still trying to figure out
just what I'm worth
I'm full of emotion
and stuff you can't contain
And you just want to
flush me down the drain
But you can't make me go away

Let It Burn
Let your mind wander
Look beyond the shadows
Focus on the skyline,
Read the silhouettes
Your deepest desires
are a picture of tomorrow
All your darkest fears
are just a vestige of regret
And it's wo-oh oh oh
It seems like such a long way to go
As obstacles get bigger,
prevailing winds blow stronger
and the fire continues to grow
Don't let shallow water limit your perception
Heed the new horizon
Muster to it fast
The moments of your yesterdays
are in the wake behind you
You can't assess the future
if you're living in the past
Keep it stoked!
If you are committed
to a life of understanding
then there's no agenda
for vengeance in your life
Sharpen all your senses,
face the opposition
You can overcome
with fortitude and mental might
And it's wo-oh oh oh
It seems like such a long way to go
As obstacles get bigger,
prevailing winds blow stronger
and the fire continues to grow
in your soul
So be bold, let it grow
Don't let it die
Let it burn!

There Will Be A Way
Shut your eyes
See the future's distant shore
March ahead
More enlightened than before
And there's sure to be bumps and distractions
but I know we'll get through
There will be me, there will be you
There will be a way
Unresolved repercussions from your life
Fortified with the vitriol of strife
And you can be gridlocked by predictions,
But you're wise grab the prize
Then revise, realize
there will be a way
Hey... Ho
And I don't know where we are going
but we're here on this ride
And we'll stand side by side
all along the way
Follow me to the future's distant shore
Vagary needn't haunt us anymore
And now it's time to set the agenda,
Learn the past, make it last
Share the wealth, hold your fire,
conserve life, make it right
kill the hate, negotiate
There will be a way

Whisper In Time
All those stories that my dad told me,
they are just a whisper in time
All those things that never came to be,
they are just a whisper in time
A whisper in time, a whisper in time
Things that I can't shake from my mind
A whisper in time, a whisper in time
Moments that just flicker and die
(memories that flicker and die)
All those places I wanted to go,
they are just a whisper in time
All those friends who now I do not know,
they are just a whisper in time
A whisper in time, a whisper in time
Things that I can't shake from my mind
A whisper in time, a whisper in time
Moments that just flicker and die
Maps and roads that brought me here today,
they are just a whisper in time
Circumstances that were explained away,
they are just a whisper in time
A whisper in time, a whisper in time
Things that I can't shake from my mind
A whisper in time, a whisper in time
Moments that just flicker and die
'Cuz we are messengers of memory
Just whispers in time

A Streetkid Named Desire
Well, it was punk-fifteen in the morning
And it was time to stand my ground
And as the gawks and stares bombarded me
You know, I didn't even hear a sound
No one gave a damn
If I was there or away
If I died and went to hell,
They'd throw a party on my grave
And they'd all say
"this kid is just a fool, he'll never be cool
They might as well just ship him off
to some other school"
Plain destitute
Just a little too guilty, just a little too soon
That day was just like any other day
No work, and no pay
I knew that paradise was some other place
And I'd get there another day
I will find it before I expire
'Cuz I've got the desire
Well, it was punk-fifteen in the evening
And it was time to set the town on fire
I saw my boots and my hair
As reflected in the mirror
Reveal a streetkid named desire
I didn't give a damn
Because I was just dying to be
And as the Hollywood street scene
Left its mark on me
I changed from a boy into a man
I said "never again!"
I stuck out my chin when I should have ran
Shit in the fan
I was driven so hard
By the sound of my heart
But that day was just like any other day
No work, and no pay
I knew that paradise was some other place
And I'd get there another day
I will find it before I expire
'Cuz I've got the desire
When the walls surround
In deeper shades of blue
And there's no voice of reason inside you
And you search for meaning
On an empty shelf
Then you're always dreaming
Of somewhere else
Today is just like any other day
No fear, no restraint
I know that paradise is some other place
And I will get there another day
You can come with me,
No conditions or fares
Somehow, somewhere,
I will find it before I expire,
'Cuz I've got the desire

1000 Memories
You were the one,
You were my everything
Never apart,
No one in-between
Then one day,
When you went your own way
You felt justified,
And I was mortified
But today...
You are just a picture
And a thousand memories
Is all I take with me
'Cuz your smile
Is just too much to see
You're just a thousand memories
Fantasies, broken dreams
Reveries, sordid histories
Following my heart,
Laden with reaction,
Without calibration or design
Committed to a trial,
A life of understanding
Can't somebody show a sign to you
For me to see if you only knew
That you were the one
You were my everything
Never apart,
No one in-between
Then one day,
When you went your own way
You felt justified,
And I was mortified
But today...
You are just a picture
And a thousand memories
Is all I take with me
'Cuz a picture is worth
one thousand memories


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