boy-alone

boy-alone
2001-12-24 13:44:38 (UTC)

Long time no write

Its xmas, I'm working.

I was at home. Its been a long time since I saw some of
those people. It brough back so much, so many things... I
doin't know where to start.

Andrew died. This guy, my friend from home, he was killed.
I only found out a couple of days ago.. One of my best
mates was his brother. I can't imagine what that must be
like. He's not there anymore, xmas without him. I think I
feel worst for his mum and dad, they are such nice people.
He was only about 24, he had a lot of life left, and
yeah.. .there was nothing.

I remember how life seemed a lot easier back then. I don't
know if its warped just cause things are hard here... or
what.
I lost another friend too... well someone who I thought was
a friend. Turns out she did a lot of things that she really
should be proud of, she hurt a lot of people. Me included
in the end I guess. I'm still kinda getting over all that.
Its hard though. Its hard to try and be nice to people like
that. Really hard.

There is this girl. Its hard to describe her, shes great,
like really great. We are great together, but I can';t help
but wonder if there is something missing..
if I'm thinking that, am I doing the right thing?

I waana go. I wanna go to the states. I wanna do summer
camp. I wanna meet Gret, I wanna see what its like. What
shes like. I wanna feel her.. like, make her real. Make her
real. I'm not like meaning that in a sexual way either. I
just wanna see this girl I spend so much time talking to
become something real. Like, in my head or something. I
don't know.

Its xmas day, and I can't go anywhere, except for lunch
here. does that make me sad?