UCLA Bear Chasing
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2001-12-24 09:33:45 (UTC)


Monday, December 24 2001. 12:31AM

Playlist: Underworld - Change
Emanuel Ortega - Timidez
Alicia Keys - Loving You
Madonna - La Isla Bonita
Celia Cruz - Tuya y Más Tuya
Faithless - We Come One
Sade - Sweetest Taboo
Cristina Aguilera - Falsas Esperanzas

I got the email reminderita and figured it's time for a
little update on what's happening and what's not happening
in my life.

X-mas Eve is already here. Lots of insecurities here. I
know it's the thought that counts, but I'm afraid my mother
won't like her main present. I bought her a Sony Clié S320
(a palm pilot equivalent, runs the same OS), but I'm afraid
she won't be in as much wonder as I am over its many
wonderful uses. So in a fit of insecurity yesterday I drove
my ass to IKEA and to South Coast to find something else. I
bought her a 75$ gift certificate to Robinsons-May as a
back-up. If she's not interested in keeping the Sony, I'll
give her the gift card. I don't know what will then happen
to the Sony, but thus is life. If she does like it, I'll
spend the certificate on myself--buy something nice from
DKNY or some new shoes.

So I guess I've got my bases covered, unless she dislikes
both gifts. I doubt she'll complain about the gift
certificate, though. She'll want a Coach purse or some
slippers or something. Anyway, that's enough of that doubt.

My man-on-hiatus hasn't called me for two days. I usually
call him so I figured I would discontinue calling him to
see how long it takes for him to call me. So far no good.

I went to TigerHeat on thursday for the Mariah Carey cd
release party. I saw my friend Mario there, and a hot guy
named Gabe who lives in my dorm who I also met two years
ago at San Diego pride when I met my ex-boyfriend
Eliseo...complicated histories...My sister and some of her
friends also went to the club. I danced to "I'm a Slave 4
U" with the HOTTEST FUCKING GUY named Eric. He was just so
[one of] my type[s]. He had huge arms, but they were chub-
over-tonedness arms, the same with his stomach. Kinda a
football-player almost an ex-jock kinda build. BEAUTIFUL
face...perfect complexion, great jawline and cheekbones,
pale but not pasty, gorgeous eyes...we got all freaky and I
came very close to gettin' my mack on but I was afraid to,
for fear of rejection, of course. I'm so fucking self-aware
of my self-consciousness: it's ridiculous. Eric seemed like
a fun guy--he didn't take himself too seriously when
dancing, but was very playful.

So why am I lamenting? Because he said he'd "be right back"
after the song was over, but he never came back. It seemed
he was in line for the restroom, but he left the line and
went into another room, then left the joint altogether, I
think. I should've had a pen to give him my number, but I
went unprepared.

And the worst part is that I'm already dating someone, and
have a man-on-hiatus, and I'm still discontented when I
can't hook another. It's an unhealthy behavior.

That same night I drove back from the club in my friend
Courtney's car, because I wished to practice for my
driver's license behind-the-wheel test the following day. I
got a ticket because I swerved when I was trying to figure
out her cruise control and wasn't paying attention.

And, because all bad things apparently come in threes, that
night I had a nightmare in which my man-on-hiatus died. It
made me wake up in an awful mood.

But I passed my license test, and told my mother about the
infraction. She didn't think it was such a transgression,
though she was visibly dismayed. I took today my first solo
drives, to get the gift certificate.

I need to call some old friends, get together with them
before we're all back to our respective colleges--pick up
where we left off.

I guess that's all for now...