Undine Fae
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2001-12-24 07:36:25 (UTC)

anytime Meesh

Babe, anytime you need me, I am here for you..even 400
miles away. I keep my phone in a place where I get
reception so text me anytime, and I will call you back as
soon as I get it. I know what you mean about feeling
lost. I dont understand it, myself. I am scared about
what my graduation may bring. A part of me feels
undeserving of my upcoming accomplished endeavors. I think
that is why I procrastinate so much...because I am scared.
Of what? I am not definitely sure. But i do know, that I
am scared that I will fall face first into the cesspool of
failure and have all of you just stare at me blankly. I
dont know why I feel like I will fail, even tho I have
proof of potential success. I am jealous of Victor's
family. They spend time together. They are a family.
Mine is not really. We dont eat together. We dont chill
together. We dont just be in the house. I didnt leave
their house till victor kicked me out at 11, so his dad
wouldnt find me there and get mad. His mom told me he will
love that card and that his dad really really likes me.
that made me feel good. I wish that mattered as much to my
family. I dont think it really matters to my dad who I
have in my life right now, as long as they dont cause
blatant harm. well, I really dont even know that for
sure. but the fact that he hasnt even called me yet to
tell me about tomorrow, really really really hurts. I dont
care how fucking depressed he is or how busy he is. it
takes one fucking minute to pick up his cell, scroll to my
number, hit call, tell me "hi baby, I will pick you up
tomorrow at this time and we will be doing this and that."
how easy is that shit?
I am jealous of Victor's family. They are so lucky to have
each other. I just hope they all know and appreciate it.
I love you always and forever, my dear sister.