The Nightshade Princess
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2001-12-24 06:22:54 (UTC)

I haven t posted much recently...

I haven't posted much recently. The pain hasn't
faded, the Project has not been aborted (it's barely
begun!), but the desire to type this sort of thing has
faded a bit. I just don't want to think about the shit my
parents are putting me through... I don't want to have to
turn it over in my mind again and re-live it all for an
anonymous crowd. Father has just had enough of mother's
side of the family. He has decided to stop trying to make
peace. It hardly matters to me anymore. At first I DID
try so hard to hurt the fewest amount of people possible.
I TRIED to make decisions fairly, but all I got were many
many guilt trips, and tears. Eventually, I grew too weary
to try any longer, and metaphoically speaking, looked up at
my father and said, "Carry me, for I can walk no longer."
I attempted to do my nails once more, but I could not
find my nail file. I mentioned this to father for some
reason. The entire early afternoon I spent cleaning
everything in the house. This is VERY unlike me, but I was
so bored that I had to do something, and we were feasting
tomorrow, not to mention my boyfriend was coming to share
the night! Father and Kristin were surprised and very
impressed. I mentioned also to father that I had planned
to take one of my long, luxurious baths this eve. Much to
my surprise, he handed me a large package from beneath the
tree, and told me that I could have it early. I tore
through the paper, most curious as to why this one was
given a day before the rest, to find a large basket utterly
filled with some of the most beautiful and sensuous bath
products I have ever seen... Matching bubble bath, shower
gel, and a candle in a very lovely fragrance, an assortment
of soaps, loofas in many shapes and sizes... Even a little
manacure kit and nail polish remover! My favorate, though,
was an herbal gel eye mask. It was rather large, but
extremely soothing when I relaxed in the bath earlier. I
used one of the loofas, along with the bubbles and the
shower gel. My skin ended up being very soft, and even
more pale than when I'd begun. I am very proud of my
Tomorrow, I shall wake and dress in floor-length black
velvet. I shall paint my eyes and lips with special care,
and I shall paint my toenails, and apply my favorate
fragrance. My boyfriend shall come to visit, and we shall
all feast. It's almost funny... such preparations for a
holiday that isn't even mine! Well, I have my own meaning
for these times. They are a time to forget all past
bullshit and play nice for awhile before the new year
comes. It gives us some resolution, I think... I spent my
religion's holiday, the Winter Solstice, meditating and
contemplating. It was soothing and sweet. I lit some rose
incense and just relaxed.
I can't wait to see LesTaT tomorrow! I'll be all
dressed up, with my favorate blue earings in my ears and a
smile on my equally - though much darker- blue lips.
Kristin is preparing a lot of food for us, and she is
making nearly all of it Vegan, so that I can eat it as
well! Corn, mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables, a
tofurky.... it's all quite amazing.

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