thouhgts of Sam
2001-12-24 04:54:54 (UTC)

Who Cares?

Well I know it has been a real long time since I have had a
real entry, but you know I dont think it really matters
cause no one is really reading this anyway. So I guess I
could bring you up to speed on my life, if you care
anyway. Ok here goes....

Just in case you dont know joselin and I are a thing.
And about that thing it has developed into something so
much more. I dont know what really happend, at first it
was because we both needed someone, and then out of that
there formed a real relationship. One night we just began
to talk and it was a really really nice talk. Katy and I
had one just like it except this time it was more in
depth. For some reason my whole little front seems to come
down with her. And just in case you dont know what my
front is I'll let you in, I make it seem as though I'm ok
when really I'm not and when someone asks me if I'm ok I'll
just be like sure I am why wouldnt I be, I'm sam and
nothing bothers me, when really it does I just dont want to
admit it. I would rather bottle it up and let it out at
some unhealthy time and have to let my mom see it when that
is not the thing I want to do I hate haveing to do that but
sometimes I just feel like I must to make things run
smoother. But I cant do that I mean with her I just let it
all flow out. I have cried in front of her and noone but
my mom and josh has seen my cry before.It is so weird I
mean I have told her things that NO ONE else knows. Not
aum and not even josh. I wont tell what cause then it
wouldnt be special. And it's not just that I feel so
comfortable with her. We have so much in common and we are
almost always on the same page, we think alike but we just
can't admit it or if we do it's like one of those moments.
I spent the last 5 days with her and I still dont feel like
that was enough. She has gone to mexico to see her dad and
friends, so I have some time to not shave and stuff, but I
already miss her. And it is only the first day she is

Now for some random chatter of my mind. I have been
reading alot lately, I have been reading "On the Road."
Katy let me borrow the book and at first I didnt really
want to read it now I find myself reading on more page
everyday. If I get bored I read, If I get angry I read,
when I feel like I need to be alone I read. I dont know
what has happend to me things are changing and I'm chaning
and I think it's for the better. Anyway I'm tired so I
think I'll stop here for now, I'll finish more later since
I have to work and I'll have alot of free time