My Eternal Quest
2001-12-23 21:56:46 (UTC)


so the decision was made .. just friends .. can we still
hang out ? yeah but consider chances small .. cuz they
are .. on top of everything else this just had to happen
too right now .. it's like i just chose to hold my hand in
the fire .. ive been burnt to 3rd degree before .. i didnt
let that happen this time .. cuz u see , every time u get
burnt , ur skin gets more vulnerable .. one of these days
itll burn right trough the bone .. i cant let that
happen .. god , looking at this from a practical point of
view , the decision was rightful .. unfortunately as nick
mentioned once , i do not act from that point of view .. i
act by what my heart tells me .. and those are the times it
hurts most .. i should know this by now .. never follow ur
heart or ull end up hurt .. but dont think logical cuz then
i end u denying who i am with loads of regrets .. so what
choice do i have left then ? well .. one .. dont act at
all .. become numb .. to anyone .. to everything .. i cant
fall deeper than i have so far .. people may think things
are ok for me cuz im not out on the streets .. but that
doesnt fucking matter to me .. i do not look for material
things .. i just want someone to love .. someone to love me
back .. it's been so fucking long .. 1.5 year now since i
felt that .. i crave for the day that i will meet someone
again that understands me as a person , and loves me as a
person .. i do not care if u have money , i dont want it ..
i just want to share 2 hearts and one soul .. just simply
love .. i thought i found it again , reached out and
grabbed .. and once again it shattered into a million
pieces ..