MsKarma

say goodbye.. oh ewww!

so.. last night lee came over ot drink tea at liek 1230...
it was kind of like the "good ole days" only.. not... i was
bored, and didn't want to go to sleep, and i figured lee
would be up.. so he came over, we drank some tea, and
smoked a cigarette, and sat outside and talked.. i don't
rmemer really what about, but... it was ok... so.... yea we
go inside and start to talk, but its late... and we both
fall asleep, but then, we wake up.. and lee goes home...
and i go to sleep, and i have good dreams.. i mean, i have
dreams... so.. that was good...last night as i got out of
teh car to come inside, both paul AND james go to walk me
to the door... and paul is like, what the hell are you
doing? to james, and hes was like, im being a gentle man,
and walkin her to the door... james is awesome...im
listeing to res... the cd alex gave me, the song she sent
me... i saw some ad online, just now, for teh record, and
it made me think of the cd, and i liek it.. its kind of
nice.. im not sure what i really think yet, but i like
it... so.. chelsea is in town, im excited, and i dont;
think joselin ever made it on a bus.. so mayeb she'll be
here today also... i hope so.. and i hope we get to see
kelly.. i say we, but whos we? i don't know... im thnk i
have a phobia of being alone... and perhaps rightfully so,
cause when i was younger, i was raise d by a nnany... and
when i was sad, i was told go to your room until you're
calm... ive been alone, actually, or mentally, for alot of
my life.. and i guess alot of people have, i guess its not
just me, but i feel it.. i really dont ever want to be
alone, really, kind of, well.. maybe this is in my head
too.. i dont know...well.. im leaving in like 16 hours for
jamaica.. and im ready... im kind of anxious, iv been
having like.. visoins, or thoughts of these terrible plane
wrecks.... and im sure its just anxiety, but i want so bad
to keep on living... there is so much that i haven;t done,
seen, experienced, that it woudl just.. it woudl be
terrible.. and completely detremental fo rme to die right
now.... and im surenthing will happen, and i'll come back,
and be alive and tusff, but.. the anxiety is there, and it
proabably cause of teh sept 11th stuff.. and it'll be ok,
cause i walos have visions of ariving in ja safely, and
being ont he beach and at the hosue and stuff, and coming
home, also, so... it'll be ok... cause ther is so much i
want to do.... that it can't be over... so im making a
concoius choice, right now.. i WILL jkeep onliving until i
am absolutly sure i am done.. which i am not, right now...
so.. therefore, nothing deadly will happen, cause im not
done...so.. there you have it... so today.. im goign to go
out and see chel, and it'll be fun... i'll finishpakcing
for my trip that i'll take, and then i'll come home, and
keep on goign... :)