Psychotic Rambles
Ad 2:
2001-12-22 22:05:56 (UTC)

WHat am i thinking??????!!

i had a fairly great day today. did you ever notice how
most peoplz diaries are full of depressing life-sucks-dick
stuff? i have. i went sledding with Rian and Meghan and
devon, then i had a snowball/tackle fight with Rian, mike,
chris, tony and tim. that was fun. mike surprises me now on
a daily basis. he's just like (after he tackles and
snowballs me) hey, how ya doin and picks me up in a hug.
Kewlio. i tried to tell rian about my coniptions but
there's stuff i just dont want him to know, cause i wouldnt
want to hurt his feelings. Yea, i like other people. i like
him a lot too though. i dont think i'll ever love anyone
like i did justin. well maybe, but thats a long time from
now. yea, i love rian, but i think he's mistaking it for
something really serious. it is but it isnt. i flirt like a
lot, and a lot of people dont get it. I flirt with everyone
because i act like a guy and that means getting up on
people and tackling them and i lay on people, regardless.
its just me, and who i am. my last boyfriend (that mother
fu*cking son of a bitch Jacob) i told this too said he
thought 99% of me was great except for that one part which
makes me close to my guy friends. so i'm like f*ck you to
then. a week later we broke up and he wrote me this note
which i am still so pissed about i dont even want to think
about it.

anyway. after the sledding and snowball fighting me and
eskimo went to the bowling alley and had something to eat.
i just feel like being completely crazy around him. nother
one of those people i walk up to and i'm like "hey, be my
best friend!" lol. sometimes that line works. i just did
crazy stuff and said crazy stuff and confided in him. then
meghan marsh came and we went to see this movie, which i at
first had no intention of seeing cause rian and tim said it
prolly wasnt worth my money, but DUDE! it kicked ass, it
was so funny. well, half of it was funny cause i played on
peoples jokes. in one part the dude was like "you want to
give the goats my car, is that what you want?" and i
whispered in eskimo's ear "yea, and give the hamster my
house to! let it take a bath in my toaster!". it didnt make
any sense but i was funny anyway.

well, back to rian. he's so fucking perfect. i think i said
that before. he doesnt do or say anything wrong to me and
he does everything right. he's really everything i ever
wanted. until i realized it makes me feel inferior because
i dont think i could ever offer him and be the person he
deserves. he should have better than me. i dont deserve
someone like that. i'm so used to being lied to and used
that its weird not having that happen. and i need to make
out with someone. really. THAT thought irritates the shit
out of me. in fact the whole situtation is irritating.
while i'm with someone i'm always attracted to other
people. but this is just....grr a way to take out my
frustrations. dont get me wrong. i DO like the people i say
i like but its more of this time i pick people i have
litterally no chance with so its like pleasant

i'm gonna throw a snowball at katelyn tomorrow.

so, eskimo! (i know you're reading this right now! i can
read your mind) BE MY BEST FRIEND!! hahahahahaha

crazy badass skater girl.
i'm a tomboy. but i'm gay!

(badass..its mine now~!)