for show and tell
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2001-12-22 19:54:06 (UTC)

bound hands..

today, i have wrapped up my hands in sticky gauze so that
i can punish my hands for typing things like that to the
boy (he is rohan). i look at my hands now and think they
are ugly.. last night, in my bed, i heard a raspy voice..
i didn't know who it was.. it really scared me at first.
then, the voice kinda told me who it was, even though it
never said, "i am plah blah blah.."

it was sadness, my big stuffed bear. he sounded like he
was against me, and i really couldn't make out what he was
saying since i was so tired. i'm holding him now as i type
this (with great difficulty) and he doesn't seem to wanna
talk.. it's okay.

my hands are starting to feel weird.. maybe i should stop
typing for now..


2nd entry:
the gauze around my hands is starting to unravel, so i'm just going
to take it all off, but hide my hands within long sleeves. They are
still ugly, but it feels good to move my thumb around freely again.
my hands have become mighty dry and i really don't care to get up
and wet them.. i'll just lick them if i need to. crude, but better
than water, since saliva is a base and it stays on your hand..

i think i'll just save the gauze ringlettes for another day.. maybe
the start of tommorow.. my hands still look ugly, so they still need
to be punished more.. i was thinking of actually cutting my hands up
and stuff. but i realize that there are way too many horribly big
and important veins on your hands.. so i'm slightly scared of that,

but then again, there was that one time i had a huge cut over that
big blue vein that runs across the top of your index finger which
sprawls into under your index finger. go ahead. take a look at it. a
knife cut that baby twice, once not so bad, and the other chopped
it. so, i figure it'll stop bleeding at some point. i don't have a
blood clotting problem, or anything..

hooo, depressing. let's think of happy things. ehehe, my friend did
this poem for me:

*~*~ A poem for DJMaxMouse by moi (SDKN) *~*~

A friend can kiss a friend goodbye,
An angel can kiss the morning sky,
A dog can kiss the dirty grass,
But you, DJMaxMouse, Can kiss my - Nevermind, BRB ^^;;