Hiro Protagonist

Life and Times of a pre-occupied mind
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2001-12-22 16:06:36 (UTC)

Dirty joke of the month

Hello hello boys and girls!
Its that time of the month again! Im feeling bloated and on
edge for some reason, but thats righ you guessed it....
Dirty joke of the month!!! (the crowd of one raises their
arms in the air and begins to clap, only to realize that
they are the ONLY one clapping, quickly leaving the entry
with a red face, never to read this diary again.)
So, without further adu..or smegma, which ever comes first:
A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a
drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around
the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats
them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he
jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls,
sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow
swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your
monkey did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprize me," replied the guy. "He eats
everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the
stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey
is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running
around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink,
the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs
it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The
bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did
now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replied the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino
cherry up his ass, pulled it out and ate it!" said the
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still
eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that
cue ball, he measures everything first."

Well, I stole that one right off of the net... I just love
an asshole joke... gives me the giggly-sniffs.

Well, Im off to guage the size of my rectum (Rectum? damn
near KILLED him!).