Another lost soul

Caste Shadows
2001-12-22 08:29:06 (UTC)


I feel betrayed through and through. There is very little,
if any, doubt that I have been betrayed. Whitney isn't
upset at all. She is happy. Happy without me. And rubbing
it in my face. She said she would never turn against me.
She said she would never lie to me. Oh how she has. Oh how
she did. I'm shaking. I have that mix of anger, fear,
being helpless and most of all total and complete
hopelessness. I can't sleep. I can't think. She had hurt
me so much. How could she do this to me? And why? Why?!
I don't understand... I've always been so careful as to who
my friends have been. Ever since that time of the past when
everyone betrayed me. Everyone but my wonderful Taylor.
And Whitney is against Taylor. I shouldn't have been so
blind. I should have left early while I had the chance. I
should have said goodbye before she did. But no, I had to
take the chance. And now I am hurt worse than I ever have
been before. She never needed me. She used me. And she is
still with that awful Tony. How can she think Tony is so
wonderful? After all he did to her... god how I hate him.

I asked Whitney two things. I need to know for sure. I
need to know if she is going to forget about me. Hanging in
limbo like this is killing me. Its ripping me apart. I
can't even enjoy being with my close friends anymore. All
because of her. I need to know. And I need to know if she
sent my letter.

God damn. After all I've done for her. She's intentionally
hurting me. Why? I don't understand. What did I do that
was so wrong? She never needed me. She has all her little
boyfriends that drool over her. Everyone likes her,
everyone. And then she goes on about how awful she is.
Hmph. I was even in love with her and she fucking blew me
off. She betrayed me. I will never trust anyone so much
again. I will never put any faith in anyone again. I trust
Tay and Tiff and Lise and even Chi. But no one else. No
one. Once I find out from Whitney for sure, I am living in
almost total solitude. She is ruining me.

I need an escape. I don't know what to do. I don't know
how to deal with this. Not even talking to my dear friends
will help. I tryed. There is nothing I can do. All I can
do is suffer. Even feeling said is much better than this.
At least I can sleep when I'm sad. This is the worst
feeling in the world. That someone you were so close to,
someone you trusted with your life, someone you loved...
would betray you. And not trust you. Ugh.