lilith.

dedoubledidentifiedschizophrenia~
2001-12-22 06:31:47 (UTC)

post prom 2001

it started with sheer irony i suppose. i was with tuty when
we met some other pple at irene's. and the she came. i felt
very awkward i guess. coz my plan was to avoid her the
whole nite. coz i know i will break down and cry. but even
when prom hasnt begin, we bumped at irene's. tuty wsa askn
whether i was alright. i told her, yeah.. i can hold on.
heh. it was all "hair"-raising.

anyways, BLAME me for not sleepin all the nights before. i
had large eyebags that the lay had to hide it with so much
make up. but i guess i look ok lah. what can i expect rite.
peanut face. peanut turn out. but at least i like my top.

anyways.. i cant remember this.. someone said i looked like
a slut? hehe. oklah. ill take that as a compliment. sluts
are pretty ok.
anyways. i didnt eat much except for a plate of salad. it
was pathetic. but my pants were so tight. i just cldnt.
besides $35 is not a waste for a nnight with the pple who
shaped my life and punctuates my journey.

i was suppose to go to Rave after wards.. but i didnt call
and besides it was raining. hah. did u noe i cried buckets?
ppple were comin up to me saying, "nis, dont cry.. ill miss
the school too.." or " nis, ill miss u too.." haha. boy
dont they know what im really crying abt. maybe hema did.
yeah she did.

my girl is all grown up. maybe the hardest part to fathom
tt nite was how different ppl lives turn out to be from
what they plan it. i noe tt i must move on.. i want to
credit myself becoz i noe i have been tryin and prom nite,
seeing her.. makes me noe tt i shld be happy and pick up
the pieces of my life where i left it and start a new.
tt doesnt mean my previously policy of- 'i can forget u
only if i hate u"... now is more like, make do. i noe i
have a bond with her tt to me will always be binded. it may
not turn out that way but im hping we cld be neat. i like
tt word. neat. like the books i arranged under my bed.
neat.

my girl is all grown up and miving on.
maybe its time i shld too and stop being stubborn.

geez.. its a miracle what one plain night can do to you.

-lith




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