The Shadow of Myself
2001-12-22 05:30:01 (UTC)

a red rose...

It's just kinda funny to me.. as I realize all the things I
thought I knew that I really had no idea about. Maybe some
people get upset when they finally see that all they have
ever thought was not the truth.. but I'm not. I think I
have more to learn that I'll ever know. I mean I can't
even begin to imagine all there is for me to know. So in
realizing that.. I came to this specific conclusion today.

I was on my way home from work.. and I was just thinking.
I mean really.. there isn't much else to do in a car by
yourself besides sing.. and so I usually think while I
sing. (yes I'm talented.. ;) Anyway... here it is. I
have always thought that I know what I'm looking for in a
guy. Like if I had to pick a guy out of a big group then I
would know what I was looking for and be able to narrow the
field down quickly. Today for some reason.. I decided I no
more know what I want in a guy than I know how many blades
of grass are in my front yard. Seriously.. how many
different qualites and traits are there out there... A
LOT. I know that really the only thing that is going to
matter to me is how strong their faith is. B/c when it all
comes down to it.. I think things will just fall into
place. I have decided to stop looking.. b/c I don't know
what I'm looking for. I'm going to stop wishing b/c I
don't know what to wish for. There is no need to hope..
b/c I don't know what to hope for.

Would you like to know how I came to this conclusion?
There is a guy at work. (I can seriously see everyone's
face as they read that last line b/c anyone who knows me..
well thats all I need to say) Anyway.. he's not my "type"
at all. I would be willing to say if I saw him out on the
street I wouldn't turn to my friend and be like.. whoa.. he
is amazing. But then again.. he's got this thing. This
undescribable something about him. That doesn't mean that
he's my new love or whatever. I think it just opened my
eyes to the fact that I'm looking for things in the wrong
ways and the wrong places. I found out throughout the day
that he is a youth minister for a church in Huntington.
C'mon guys.. how cool is that? Finding that out really
intrigued me. Then.. to make things even cuter.. he works
in the floral department... and he gave me a red rose.
That just made my day. And as I was holding the rose on my
way home.. I put it up to my nose.. and with a breath of
the beautiful flower I realized... I know nothing of what
is to come.. what I shall be nor what God has made for me.
All I can do is wait patiently... so I will...