Trixie Dust

Trixies in the Wind
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2001-12-22 03:19:02 (UTC)

no matter where you go it all ends up the same

So Far Away

If you leave where will you go?
Before the regret you hold in your heart will start to
show...
If you leave how will you know?
If our ever after ever had a chance to grow
Do you dream or do you sleep?
Do you pick and choose amongst the jewels for one to keep?
Do you wish upon a star?
Or does everything just out of reach seem just too far
away?
Nothing seems to change
Let alone you won't forget my name
Just dont lose what you know
Just dont lose what you know
When you're so far away...
...So deep you say.
But no matter where you go it all ends up the same!
Do you wish upon a star?
Or does everything just out of reach seem just too far
away?
Nothing seems to change
Let alone you won't forget my name
Just dont lose what you know
Just dont lose what you know
When you're so far away...
What you lose is what you know
Where you go is where you grow
How near we've come has yet to show
We've come so close yet so far away...
So far away...
What did I do to you?
What did I do to you?
What did I do to you?
What did I do to you?
Nothing seems to change
Let alone you won't forget my name
Just dont lose what you know
Just dont lose what you know
When you're so far away...
What did I do to you?
So far away...
What did I do to you?
So far away...
What did I do to you?
So far away...
What did I do to you?

-Nine Days

So I like to quote lyrics. *shrugs* Its a pretty song.
And it fits my mood, as usally lyrics in quotation do...

Especially the what did i do to you part. Mum made me eat
before I got online, which was like, whatever to me, cuz
its like, okay, shove a few bagel bites in my mouth and I
can go online. Whats the point? She gets all mad at me
cuz I dont eat. I dont notice. Actually, I do, but I tell
myself I dont care. I eat enough to stay alive. ;)

So, wanna see the email from dad? *with EXTREME sarcasm*
I know you guys are DYING to, almost as excited and
thrilled as I was when I read it.

Merry Christmas TT,
Enjoy your time with Matt and everyone over the holidays.
I dont know if I will be able to come see you guys.. it
still depends... I really wish you would open your eyes to
what is going on, cause its not a matter of not wanting to
see you and its not a matter of not loving you..its the
matter of visitation under supervision.... I am suppose to
have free and unrestricted visitation...I am suppose to
have you guys for 2 weeks at this time...instead I am
offered a couple of hours at a mall were your mom and Lisa
can keep watch over me.....ummm no thats not the way its
suppose to be...sorry and I dont think I am willing to put
myself into that kind of jepardy. Your mother has numerous
times tried to have me arrested for no reason.... what is
to prevent her from screaming something and then her and
lisa telling the police that it is true..... I will tell
you nothing!! no..this is not good.....Now another thing
about that visitation your mother is not suppose to be
present its suppose to be a visitation with my kids ...not
her... this whole thing is all wrong and I will no longer
go along with any of it...sorry.. I love you and if you
cant remeber the way things were.well sorry.. I am sure you
will give this to your mom or whatever but I just wanted
you to know Also I want you to know that I love Lee Ann.....
and I am going to take a break from all of this and enjoy
her..... I will be talking to you guys next week
Love ya Merry Christmas
Dad


1. I love how he talks to me like Im a little kid and i
dont know whats going on
2. Spell 'jeopardy' right
3. Be glad you get that much, cuz i dont even WANT TO SEE
YOU. This is AGAINST my will, and if you dont show up,
that is PERFECTLY fine with me.
4. Like hell I want to remember the way things were, but I
do remember the good times, and the bad. I remember it
all, probably not as clearly as I should, not as clearly as
I remember Watkins Glen, but i remember. I miss being
little, but you were a jerk then too. Youve always been
alittle strange, and that rubbed off onto me. Im alot like
mum too, and Lisa. Lisa cant protect us from you. Neither
can mum. They would leave if you showed at the mall. IF.
She cant afford to send us to see you, like we want to
anyways. We cant hardly afford to live, since your punk
booty wont even send support. Whatever. You cry poor.
Maybe you are, who am I to judge? Dont play both ends
against the middle, dont put mom and lee ann against each
other, youll get burnt. We women have an unspoken clan of
understanding, under the worst of circumstances and hatred
toward each other we can tell when the male is wrong, and
dad, your gunna get burnt when they see what your doing.
Running to mom saying how you miss her and crap, so you
dont have to pay support. Running to Lee ann when mum says
what you dont want to hear cuz you want someone else
telling you your little ideas are right. Well, thats not
how I see it buddy. Go, run to a lawyer dad, run. But Im
gunna laugh when you come back with your pants down, tail
between your legs. Who knows, maybe youll never have to
pay support again, maybe your right, lil miss lee ann,
maybe only people who cant support themselves need
alimony. DAMN STRAIGT, as my man would say. We cant, not
alone. We know that, and im not ashamed to admit it. He
hurt me, he cut me deep. I know God is going to serve
justice, way better than this system america invented ever
will. Maybe dad is right, maybe mom is. Time will tell,
one day I will escape from here, and Ill be happy and my
family will be functional. Me and matt, were gunna make
it. We wont be like you, we wont screw up so bad that we
cant get ourselves out of our problems. Even if I have to
MAKE IT that way, were going to survive, and we wont be
like you, some crazy sort of deadbeat complaining he cant
see his kids. I dont want to see you. And I dont feel
guilty. I dont hate you, dad. I dont hate you. I just
dont like you, and I dont want to talk to you. Youre my
dad, or at least, that person inside you murdered was, and
I still love him. And I miss him. But i dont want to talk
to you, I have nothing to say to you. Maybe someday itll
all be okay, but its not right now, dad, its not right now.


We went to Wal * Mart and like, these dudes were being
total jerks. First, they checked out ashley. Then we were
walking and they were behind us, I dont knwo who said it or
about whom they were talking, but i dont like how they
looked at us or how they talked about 'that ass'. It took
everything in me not to go after them and slap the crap
outta them. If i woulda known which one said it, theyre
face woulda been smeared all over the opposing wall, thats
how hard I woulda hit em. No one talks about me or
ESPECIALLY my sister that way. NO ONE.

Matt, angel, i miss you. And I love you. Thank you for
being there for me.

Hi huggles ;) Loves you

Marie, and jess, loves you guys too, very much.

Sorry for the mass ventage peoples.

Laters


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