Realizations of a 24yr old convict
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2001-04-08 10:59:29 (UTC)

much respect to all who read..

much respect to all who read

this entry was the start of my prision jornal Id been down
a while already and had contemplated much by then but as
youll see still over welmed with questions and confusion.

july 99
this is the start of a jornal deal my road dawg AJ told
me to start asap. He just paroled and im gonna miss that
fool.Im not gonna ramble about him just thank him for
giving me the motivation to start somthing ive been meaning
to get at for a while.
Ive been down for a little while now and here on this
yard about six months A lot of bros have already paroled
and more to go soon,Ralph,Danny,Aj,dakota,shadow,bucky,I
miss them alot and hpoe i shall never forget them.
somtimes i sit at a loss about life,everything used to be
so clear or mabe it just didnt matter. You know that whole
youth will go on forever thought. I'm guessing it wont, and
the thought of even saying that it wont just tears me apart
cause i feel im giving up i feel im conforming giving in on
all the Ideals that used to fill my head.
I feel im giving up on where im from and everything i
know well. Partying and girls and skating and swimming but
thats not really it either but just the way we live where
im from and if i dont do that,where to go? What to do?
I look out at the world and just see the seas of chesse.
The grind the phonyness of acting like this is the place
you always dreamed of being this is the place you've been
striving to be. When it,s the last place you wanted to end
Like the 7:58 weather man i saw today who probly has to
strive and kiss ass just to keep his lame ass slot on a
local channel.And when he sleeps he probly dreams of good
moring america but hes 45 now and with no hope of ever
making it to the network slot.
Anyways i try to stay positive but im thinking they'll
probly be alot of negitive thoughts in this thing. When i
look back on love and life i only have good memories even
of the prision system.I still only rember good thoughts
skating, becka beck,erika,the river ,parties,girls my
family the baby everything.i know theres bad in there but
when i look back its all just part of life,and life is good.
I know lifes rushing apon me and i need to do somthing
now.I need to put that life behind me and move on.And i
need to do more now for that future life while im here.Ive
been reading which i need to keep doing constantly and ive
been driving everyday.But i need priorities.I know family
first but then what I need goals toward that future but i
dont know what that future is? or what im even shooting for?
I know I want danny or someone of that caliber to have a
family and beautiful children with someday.But i need so
much to get there and no access to it here I need to find
out about corispondces classes or math books and atlesses
and any type of school books I need to just keep reading.

Ive learned how to spell some of those words since then
not many of them but a few. I felt i should leave them as
written though and will do so in the future.
with love and always respect

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