Another lost soul

Caste Shadows
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2001-12-21 19:49:01 (UTC)


I finally talked to Whitney this morning. It was too brief
though. And she didn't say much. She left after I
explained about the envelope. She must be hiding from me.
I know she's there. She said she wouldn't leave me... but
she sure isn't here now. I want to talk to her. I want
things to be better between us again. I want to know if she
sent my letter... or if she even has mine. I'm so scared...
so very scared of what is going to happen.

She said she had a right to care about herself first. But
she also said she trusted me. Part of trusting someone is
knowing that they won't hurt you. She thought I was going
to hurt her, all from a letter I sent. That letter was
supposed to make her happy. But it did the opposite. And
now she is upset and doesn't want to talk. I should have
listened to my dream... this would never work out. I could
tell from the beginning. She is too dominant, and while I
let her have her own opinions, she won't let me have mine.
She gets upset. She tries to convince me of her side. I
listen, I consider it, but I can't just change my opinions
instantly. Especially when it has to do with love. How can
she know what I feel? How can she think that my situation
is exactly the same as her's? It isn't. She means nothing
but good, but she hurts and gets upset in the process. My
other friends don't do that. They listen to what I have to
say and don't get upset. I listen to what they have to say
and don't get upset. But if I dare try to explain myself
further to Whitney, she gets pissed. So I try to avoid the
subject and she gets mad that I'm not telling her
everything. I don't know what to do about it. We are so
happy together, but we also hurt each other very badly. It
hurts not being able to talk to her. It hurts seeing her
upset. I wonder if she should just forget me altogether.
But then I wonder if it will ever go away. I'll be hurt
forever not being with her. We need to work things out.
She needs to send my letter. If I don't get my letter, then
I will forget about her.

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