NotSureYet

I am so tired of keeping secrets ......

I don't know how to start ... My life has been turned up
side down to a point that I don't know me anymore. I used
to be happy (I guess), got a great husband and two
beautiful kids (3 and 5), and recently got a great new job
(at least I thought so in the beginning, pay is good, near
to my future home, everyone is nice .....) I can't lie, I
am not good at hiding secrets at all, but now, because the
situations, I have to hide (even to myself), and it's
killing me ......

When I came to interview with this company, it went so
well, they basically hired me on the spot. Recently, my
boss gave me excellent review, he said 'the company loves
me'- but I think really is my boss's boss say to he a lot
of nice things about me. From the beginning, A (my boss's
boss) has been very nice to me. Whenever he came to our
work area, he will always stop by and chat with me. The
second week I was here, they let three people go. That
really made me 'popular'. My group hates me, on top of
that, A and serior management paying a lot of attention to
me, I don't think my co-worker think I don't deserve it.
Then another guy quitted.

About two weeks ago, while I was driving, I found myself
actually attracted to A. I was thinking about him in a
totally ... that way ... is on my mind all the time. He is
by no means handsome or anything. I used to only attracted
to 'good looking' guy. But this time, I don't know. I can't
help thinking about his lips and ..... But I am a wife, a
mom, a Christian, I am going to hell ... by even thinking
about how good it would be .... And of course A is married
with children too ... there is no way... but I just can't
help it. I have been marry for six years. my husband is
great, but he is not romantic at all. The other night, we
have a company party. I can feel his eyes are on me the
while I was dancing on the floor... God help me ....