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2001-12-21 05:38:59 (UTC)

jello pie with cream cheese and nuts huh

up and down
down and up
its the same thing
the same time
over and over again..
there is no middle.
just here or there
i want to fall asleep outside.
but its much too cold for that
and now i really dont know what im doing
and sometimes i think i make sense
and others i cant figure myself out.
i try to justify
my feelings.
my anger.
my everything.
and it doesnt work.
more often that now.
its just this game
this game that i play with myself
and with everyone that i know
i cant wait to leave here.
i cant wait to choose
im tired of being sober right now.
a lot.
i dont like it here.
and i feel very alone.
very alone in most things nowadays.
its like...
the more i understand myself.
the less other people get me.
and i dont like it.
i dont.
i like it better when i dont think so much
dont realize how everything is.
and how there is nothing i can do.
i like it better when a thought is a challenge.
a challenge not worth fighting for.
it seems like there are so many people
that could
and i dont.
i just dont.
sometimes i think i really dont care about anyone
and others i think i care too much
im tired of trying.
and im tired of failing
i think soon
there will be no more for me.
i think soon
i shut off and shut up.

im going to sleep.