ThOuGhTs Of A LoTuS ChiLd
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2001-12-21 02:53:23 (UTC)

FallIng Apart At The Seems

oh man..how do i even begin..ikno this is gonna be one long
long entry because first off i havent written in here in
and awhile and in the time i have not written alot of shit
has went down.
well the night after me and jen went shopping i was
laying on my bed and Manda and Sarah called and said they
were coming to pick me up cuz manda was throwing a party at
her crib.so they came and got me..on the way sarah told me
she wanted to hook me up with Brad Shoemaker..this hot punk
guy from Hyndman.so i said i'd talk to him and see how it
worked.we get to mandas and the only ppl i knew there were
Butterfield,Flanny,Sarah,Manda,and Mickey..brad wasnt there
yet.so i was introduce to these guys Cracky,Pat, and
Steve.well there was MAD pills there and everyone was
getting fucked up.i snorted a bunch of Addies and Xannies
and got real fucked up.well brad got ther eand he got real
fucked up too and pretty much passed out so no sparks flew
there.Well Ashley Hamm and her fag b.f. called and started
harassing manda and myke so they all went to go fight and
me and a few ppl stayed at the apartment..well me and sarah
decided to walk all the way down to 7-11 and get sum candy
then we came back and myke and them were home..he had bite
marks and bruises from ashley attacking him but he got the
best of her in the end.well the night progressed and i
started talking to Cracky..he was the same age as me and we
kinda spent the night talking cuz we had alot in
common.next thing i kno its 4:45 AM and i got skool in like
2 hours so manda drove me home..Cracky kissed me and i
kinda got pulled into me and him supposedly getting hooked
up.well i got home chilled for a few hours then went to
the next night cracky and mickey came and got me cuz he
wanted to see me..cracky was kewl to chil with cuz hes
funny and shit but when i was with him i didnt feel
anything inside..ya kno what im saying..when he held my
hand and kissed me i felt nothing and i knew if he was for
me then i would have felt it.so i got home at like 1 and
all that.well at the mall we met this raver from PGH (WOOP
WOOP PGH IS THE JAM!) and he invited us to a rave called
Onset so we decided friday we were going to PGH.well after
skool friday mickey and cracky called and cancelled so i
went to the mall.when i got there i ran into
manda,flanny,sarah,and butters...well they had sum bad
newz.they told me not to get hooked up with cracky cuz he
was a thief and all this shit..its a long story..so i said
fuck him cuz he stole from my best friends.but needless to
say i was bummed cuz i felt lonely again.(whats new?)well
they wanted me to go to Hyndman with them and on the way i
started crying cuz i felt so depressed.well we went into
mykes room to chill and Minnick came over and we smoked a
bowl then flanny was lime "we gotta go to steves"
so we heaeded to steves.steve was one of the kids i had
met earlier that week at the party but i didnt really get
to kno him..so we get to the crib and we're chilling.steve
says he wants to roll so he sends flanny and manda to go
get rolls in Barton.well that took them like 3 hours so me
and steve sats and talked and played video games and
shit.Steve is soooooo great!i mean hes a thug..which is
what i want..i love them lil thug rapper types.and the boy
is fine.i mean hes sexy,hes got a body like dizzam! he has
these gorgeous light grey/green eyes and he has awesome
contacts that make him look real real sexy too.and theres
just so much i like about him.well steve was talking to me
and he was like "hey ya want half of my roll?" and he said
he wanted me to roll with him so i said yeah and we did it
up.well manda and flanny were rollin too.so i walked in and
sat next to steve on the couch and we started messing
around hardcore.well by the end of the night we eneded up
making love and then he gave me sum pajamas to wear and we
feel asleep in each others arms.the niext morning we woke
up and i felt kinda down cuz i figured it was just a one
night tihng cuz we rolled.well i was wrong cuz he had his
arms around me and was kissing me all day.well we all
rolled the next night and me and steve were together
again.flanny asked what was going on between us and he said
that we'd make a real good couple and steve was like "well
friday night she put her arms around me when we slept and i
held her too and i liked it and i like her" so we talked
about getting hooked up but we kept putting it off..well
flanny was like lets go to sheetz so me and steve went in
our bed clothes cuz it was sunday morning and flanny was
the only one going in.well he was stupid and got caught
stealing so the state trooper showed up and he told me
since i was a minor i had to comne with him to the station
so my mom could pick me up so of course Fate's sick lil
joke of me actually being happy came to an end cuz the
fucking pig took me away.i was real fucked up and i got a
big ass attitude with the cop and then i blacked out from
the drugs.next thing i kno i wake up and its 7 pm and im on
my bed..turns out i blacked out all day and i had been up
doing shit when i thought i was sleeping.
well now im grounded and guess what.....i havent heard
from steve..i dunno if he cant get ahold of me or if he
just doesnt want to..but i cant get him out of my head.also
i cant get ahold of flanny and manda and they have my
bookbag which has all my fave prized possesions in it.like
my jncos,my hatchet man visor,my wallet,my keys,my class
ring,my makeup,everything and i cant find em to get it
back.but that isnt the worst. well monday night i get a
call from my lil sis saying our friend Mark is dead..turns
out mark made a U-turn in the road and got hit my another
ford escort.he died at the hospitol from internal bleeding
and a collapsed lung..i just couldnt believe it and the
past few days have been a confused,sad daze.the viewing was
tonight and me and my boy ryan went..i just couldnt handle
it..it didnt even look like the mark i knew..they had him
so done up.well ryan broke down so we left.the funeral is
tommorrow but i cant go..i cant handle it all.and the
holidays are always depressing and now this.plus im all
alone and depressed all the time and i hate skool im glad
tommorrow is a half day and then we're out for xmas break.
HaRdCoRe MiKe comes in too so i get to spend the weekend
with him....woo woo.but its gettin late and im gettin sad
again so imma head to bed or sumthin.i'll try to keep my
updates a lil more close together and not so damn long


*******R.I.P MaRk StEvEn RoBiNeTTe*******