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2001-12-21 00:57:04 (UTC)

Today eff'n SUCKS

First off, tonight is the winterball night for our school.
Doesn't it pain you to know that the boy that intrests you
has a date, and he's all "woowhoo" about the ball? Well it
brings me down... because it's his first dance of his high
school life. He's not really a "party" person... or maybe
he is. but he once told me that he's not the kind of
person to go "clubbin" hmm... clubbin and partyin' may be
two different things in his POV. On with the my story...
It's his first dance and i'm not gonna be there because I
told my date that i didn't want to go... but then me being
a complicated girl CHANGED my stupid mind once again and
said that i DID want to go (after finding out Jon was going)... BUT
my date tells me "no, i know
you don't want to go..." and I didn't argue with him. I
didn't know how to convince him that I REALLY wanted to
go... so well, i screwed up his chance of going... and now
we're both not going. FUCK. Now it makes me mad because
I've turned all EMO right about now. My sisters getting
ready for winterball... everyone is. Most of my friends are
going, and I have no one to be with! FUCK again. I have gym
tonight at 6, then I was suppose to go movies with my
cousins, but I'm sure THATS not gonna happen cos she just
called and told me to tell my mom to drop her off at her
house after gym. Once again... my night is FUCKED. Alright,
so I'm not the sort of girl to go off swearing and all,
infact... I NEVER swear EVER!... but i'm not in the mood to
pretend to be sweet. life fuckin' sucks and I'm pissed off
like shit. I feel like moving to someplace as far as paris
and meeting a bunch of new friends! GEEZ! now i've givin'
it a thought... and i KNOW jon could never like someone
like me. ARRRGGGG I could really go balistic... i'm insane
and crazy in my mind thinking of all the worst things ever
making me feel even more depressed than i started off as.
To make the mood even more dramatic, i have ENYA's "ONLY
TIME" playing on my audio player. I was downloading some
lovely punk... then began looking for a song that talked
about fuckin' jealousy... and ended up dl enya. what the?
Whatever, i'm wacked. I just feel like expressing
everything I want right now. None of my friends come to
read this diary, I have another one... so i figured, why
not make use of this instead of put it to wayste. so here
is where I will say ANYTHING i FUCKIN want... and If i have
to, I'll sound like a BITCH! Now if my friends ever came
across this diary... I'm screwed forever, and my reputation
is downright GONERS. word will go around saying that I'm
WACKED and bitchy... and completely insane and depressed
and emo... whatever. TONIGHT IS FUCKED UP... SCREW
winterball... I plan on staying online until gym... then
coming straight to this house and either sitting my lazy
ass infront of this gay crap or locking myself up in my
room and writing another fucked up emo song on the guitar
which i can barely play... but so what, music is music.
DONE for now... i'll be back later to pour my soul out even
MORE! geez... this fucking sucks.

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